Chelsea's Mom: Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture.
Gabe: Okay, Quick.
Man: Hey! Lincoln's starting.
Gabe: Oh, uh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm, uh, I'm actually with a tour group myself, so- [laughter] Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln! Some people call me the great emancipator, but, uh, you might know me from the penny. [laughter]

Pam: Okay. You know the test booklets that they give out in all the schools. I was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back that people would mail in to us... and as, you know, as I tell it, I don't like it. Unless, of course, you are responding to it.
Robert: I am not.
Pam: Um, excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: At this point, when you're this pregnant, it's kind of like senior spring. The other day I spit my gum out on the carpet.

Gabe: [as Lincoln] I just don't understand. It's 1865, victory is ours, I've saved the very soul of our nation, and yet... happiness eludes me. Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits.
Audience: No!

Kevin: 'Kay, so another thing about oatmeal cookies. Who even wants them? I mean, I've seen Toby eat one, like, once, but other than that... [scoffs] Like, forget it.
Robert: Interesting. So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? What is the product that no one wants?
Stanley: How 'bout that two-hole-punch letter? Only the lawyers want that punch at the top and they use legal.
Robert: That's the oatmeal cookie. Fantastic, Kevin. Fantastic. [laughs]
Kevin: Thank you.

Oscar: Dwight, this is one of the archivists here. I thought maybe we could consult him.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really?
Oscar: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well. Anyone employed by the Gettysburg Industrial Complex is certainly going to want to keep quiet about the Battle of Schrute Farms.
Archivist: Schrute Farms did you say? That is a fascinating little chapter of the Civil War.
Oscar: You've heard about it?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes! Ha! Prepare to be refuted! Go on.

Kevin: Never trust a cookie with a woman's name. Pecan Sandy. Lorna Doone. Madeline. They'll just break your heart.
Robert: [laughing] Kevin!

Robert: Oh, hi there.
Pam: Plants and- Hi, Robert! Hey. Um, how are you doing? Good to see you again.
Robert: Where is everyone? Where is Andy?
Kelly: Andy took some of the other people on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg.
Robert: Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy. But what we have here... is perhaps better. By not going on the trip, you've shown you're the free-thinkers of the office.

Gabe: Fun fact. In France, they call Limitless 'The Man with Many Capabilities.'

Gabe: Abe and Mary are seated watching the show. [as Lincoln] Oh, Mary this is wonderful. Okay, Mary stop your scolding. I'll be quiet. [aside to the audience] I need her like I need a hole in the head! [Gabe mimes a gunshot with his finger] Bang! Ooh [Gabe falls to the ground as the crowd applauds]

Ryan: Okay, three reasons you are wrong about True Blood. Number one-
Pam: I'm going into labor.