Nellie: So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want.
Pam: Really? Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. Stuff like that. I'm easy.
Nellie: That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two.
Pam: Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Would you say something like that to Jim?
Nellie: Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for, what is it, 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night?
Pam: Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding, and Philip doesn't like a bottle.
Nellie: You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap?
Pam: No.
Nellie: Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money.
Pam: I think... you're a witch.
Nellie: I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: "I'm amazing."
Pam: [drowsily] I'm amazing. [sighs]

Irene: Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now. Andy is a nice boy.
Erin: Really? 'cause you've been kind of a B to him all afternoon.
Irene: I was protecting you because I thought he was no good. But I can tell you really like him. And he's willing to lose his job for you, in this economy with Europe on the brink-
Erin: Irene, what would you do without me?
Irene: We're not your concern, sweetheart. Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot.
Erin: Why?
Irene: He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture.

Nellie: Now who here believes in Tinkerbell?
Jim: Let's see it. Show of hands.
Kevin: I do. [applause] Come on everyone...
Jim: All right, guys, stop.
Meredith: I already spent the money.
Jim: How?
Kevin: Come on, Jim, you're killing her!
All: We believe! We believe!
Robert: Look at this wonderful recognition of Nellie's leadership. I believe!

Toby: Robert did say you'd be joining us. Welcome. I'm Tony.
Nellie: Mm.
Pam: What?
Toby: I- I said I'm Tony. Okay, I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But uh, I'm Toby.
Pam: You messed up saying your name?
Toby: It happens, okay? Uh, so let's just find an empty desk for you, and uh, I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in.

Andy: [answering the phone] Hello.
Robert: Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work?
Andy: Hey, Robert. Ah, I really wish I could come in to work today, but I'm super sick.
Robert: I don't care, I don't care. Please come to work immediately.
Andy: Okay, I'll try to come in even though I'm really sick with the... Florida Flu.
Robert: He just hung up on me mid-sentence.

Jim: What is going on? And where's Andy? And what is going on?

Irene: Erin, you got a package.
Erin: I'm in the bathroom.
Glenn: Where's the postage? I mean, there's no shipping label.
Irene: Did you wash your hands?
Erin: [unsure] Yes.

Andy: [singing] Here I am; Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm yours!

Andy: Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton. Because I love you and I want to be with you.
Irene: Where's the ring?
Andy: Hmm?
Irene: Where's the ring, Lancelot?
Erin: Uh, would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second? Sorry, Glenn.

Irene: So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend?
Andy: Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know.
Erin: So you came to get me, but you still have a girlfriend.
Irene: I think you should leave, young man.
Andy: Alright. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you.
Erin: You didn't even stop to pee? Gross.