Dwight K. Schrute Quote #1134

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Dwight Christmas

Dwight K. Schrute: Or, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? I think it was someone really popular.
Phyllis: We already said no.
Angela: No, no, no.
Nellie: Too weird.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm. There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib. He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. This is the same photo, matrix style.

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Features in the collections: Christmas Quotes, Schrute Farms.

‘Christmas Quotes’ Collection

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Secret Santa

Dwight K. Schrute: For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it to find himself... in jail!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Dwight Christmas

Dwight K. Schrute: In a head-to-head contest, people prefer Belsnickel over Santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. It was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Classy Christmas

Dwight K. Schrute: In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.

‘Schrute Farms’ Collection

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Product Recall

Dwight K. Schrute: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Office Olympics

Dwight K. Schrute: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Product Recall

Dwight K. Schrute: First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow. I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.

Dwight K. Schrute Quotes

Quote from Product Recall

Dwight K. Schrute: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.

Quote from The Farm

Erin: Dwight, what a ridiculous, fancy clown you are.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died.
Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close?
Dwight K. Schrute: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.

Quote from Office Olympics

Dwight K. Schrute: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

‘Dwight Christmas’ Quotes

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: In a head-to-head contest, people prefer Belsnickel over Santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. It was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [plays a trumpet] And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun.
Meredith: Ugh. What is this stuff, lava?
Dwight K. Schrute: That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, also used to sterilize medical instruments. And, interesting factoid, this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull through the birth canal when I was born. Enjoy.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas's rural German companion, Belsnickel.
Jim: Yes! That! That! That! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?