Pam: [over Bluetooth speaker] Ooh, cute shoes online.
Jim: How many shoes do you need?
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know. Two? Maybe three, if one wears out. How many shoes do you need?
Jim: I'm not talking to you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who are you talking to?
Jim: Pam.
Dwight K. Schrute: She's not here, Jim!
Jim: No, she's not.

Kelly: My god, you scared me!
Dwight K. Schrute: Hear anything interesting?
Kelly: What are you talking about?
Dwight K. Schrute: I think you know.
Kelly: You always say that, and I almost never know.
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you up to, girl? Phyllis put you up to this? Stanley? Are they paying you?
Kelly: Are you accusing me of something?
Dwight K. Schrute: Of course. I know you're the mastermind. But you're too stupid to do it by yourself.

Jim: Hey, how's things?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: Yeah?
Ryan: Livin' in the moment.
Jim: Do you have any reason to believe that Kelly would be mad at me?
Ryan: Oh, I don't play the politics game anymore, Jim. Can I tell you something? I played it full-on in New York. I played it high stakes. For keeps. Made it to the top. But look what it costs.

Jim: Dwight, let me see your coffee cup.
Dwight K. Schrute: No!
Jim: Is that it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. Why?
Jim: Okay, I'm gonna assume that was it. Here's the thing. I think you're right. I think it was Kelly. I think she's mad at us for not coming to her party.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man, I knew it. Who are her co-conspirators?
Jim: Probably just Kelly.
Dwight K. Schrute: Obviously. I knew it.
Jim: That's what I'm saying.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Jim: You were right.
Dwight K. Schrute: I was I was right.
Jim: You were right. You knew it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I was right. I knew it.
Jim: You knew it the whole time, buddy.
Dwight K. Schrute: I knew it the whole time, buddy!

Jim: That's it, I want to talk to this guy. Put me in his ear.

Customer: [on the phone] So I'd like to re-double my order. If you could put me down for-
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait. Shut up.
Customer: I'm sorry?
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you hear that?
Customer: Hear what?
Dwight K. Schrute: Breathing. Is that you?
Customer: Well, I am breathing, yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, stop. Hold your breath. I still hear it. Who's there? Kelly, is that you? Hold on.
Customer: I need paper.

Dwight K. Schrute: Get in.
Jim: Are you serious?
Dwight K. Schrute: Get in!
Jim: Okay, what are you-
Dwight K. Schrute: Ssh. [starts playing "Centerfold" by The J. Geils Band] They might be listening to us. They might be listening to us!
Jim: Who's "they"?
Dwight K. Schrute: Customer service might be monitoring this conversation.
Jim: In this car?
Dwight K. Schrute: You never know, better safe than sorry.
Jim: What are you thinking here?
Dwight K. Schrute: Who stands to benefit from our downfall?
Jim: The mob? Maybe NASA.
Dwight K. Schrute: Could be the mob. But then Dunder Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering, and there's little evidence of that.
Jim: Is there some evidence?

Michael Scott: I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. And I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities. Here's what we're gonna do. We are going to sit here for a while, make it look good. And maybe you should cry. Can you make yourself cry?
Kelly: No problem.
Michael Scott: I think you should do that.
[Kelly starts crying, then laughing. Michael laughs with her]

Mother: [on speaker phone] Hello?
Michael Scott: Mom, I'm gettin' married.
Mother: No, you're not.
Michael Scott: Why do you always do that? Whenever I'm getting married, you don't believe me.
Mother: Are you getting married?
Michael Scott: No. I'm not. I'm not getting married. Psych.

Andy: Big idea: double wedding. Me, Angela. You, Holly.
Michael Scott: No. We would never do that. And if we did, it would be with Jim and Pam.
Jim: We'd never do that.
Michael Scott: So there you go.