Nellie: Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount.
Clark: It's what I do.

Oscar: Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the...
Darryl: No. Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that.
Oscar: All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my-
Darryl: Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it.

Brian: It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming.
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy.
Brian: It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available.
Pam: Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him.
Brian:That's... Okay, great. Does he pay well?

Dwight K. Schrute: [to Andy's empty chair] I have yet another sales order for you to sign. [as Andy] Why thank you, Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo.
Andy: Hi, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're back. And you're disgusting.

Phyllis: Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours.
Andy: Well, well, well, look who it is.
Phyllis: Andy.
Andy: I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived.

Andy: I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting.
Clark: Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. ... Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months?
Andy: I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks and Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe.

Andy: Question. Where's Jim?
Phyllis: He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch.
Andy: For two hours? Really?
Oscar: So, you're concerned about people's long absence from their place of work?
Andy: If the shoe fits.

Brian: We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb.
Jim: Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight.
Brian: Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. [breaking down] I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. [to Pam] We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other.
Pam: ... Yeah.
Jim: What?
Brian: At least my crying won't get you fired.
Jim: Crying?

Jan: [answering phone] Hello?
Andy: Hey, Jan. Nard dog here.
Jan: Ugh, Andy.
Andy: I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup.
Jan: Really?
Andy: Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to.
Jan: Hmm.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispers] Coolio.
Jan: Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: Coolio. Coolio.
Andy: No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood.
Jan: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Coolio.
Andy: It -It's- It's actually just an issue...
Jan: You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything.

Andy: Hey, everybody, great job. [to Angela] Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks.
Angela: Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays.
Andy: All right. Thank you very much. Looking good. Who's that little fella?
Angela: It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter.
Andy: Wow, that's wonderful!
Oscar: A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone.