Pam: I know a lot of us have been feeling under the weather lately. It's that time of year. And according to a study done by the University of Arizona, they've discovered that your keyboards have hundreds of times more bacteria, per square inch, than a toilet seat.
Kelly: I heard your momma had more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat.
Michael Scott: That's true, that's true. I dated her momma, and you know what-
Jim: Stop.

Dwight K. Schrute: [handing out cards to the churchgoers] For all your paper and printer needs. For all your paper and printer needs. For all your paper and printer needs.

Michael Scott: Scooch. Before I shoot you in the head.
Pam: Okay, Michael. Um, you know I love when you do that voice, but today, I'm so sorry. I need you to tell me that you know you're not Cece's godfather.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Pam: I'm sorry, Michael. I need you to say it. I'm so sorry.
Michael Scott: [normal voice] I'm not the godfather.

Pastor: Anyone else with a prayer or a remembrance?
Dwight K. Schrute: Good morning. Dwight Schrute. Thank you all for your prayers and your remembrances. Like Justin and his disfigurement, I too have had a horrible year. They say that the middle class is disappearing, and with it, the soul of America. So, as a gift to this beautiful congregation, I would like to offer a 4% discount on all Dunder Mifflin Sabre products if you buy a printer at full price.

Michael Scott: Jim and Pam and Cece really seem to be clicking. They are totally gelling. It's as if they leave my office and they go to another office that sells happiness. And good for them. That's great, because, you know, the paper industry's not gonna last forever.

Michael Scott: I am feeling this. Call it the Holy Spirit or the passion of the Christ. I am loving these people.

Angela: Well, this is intimate.
Pam: We just had to add a few more tables. We weren't expecting this many people.
Angela: You don't know them all?
Pam: Nope, and we're gonna need a loaves and fishes kind of miracle to feed 'em all.
Angela: Jesus is not your caterer. [baby voice to Cece] But he should be your caterer 'cause you're a little angel. Why didn't your parents get you a caterer? [normal voice] They don't think.

Stanley: This is not the meal I was promised. I'm going to have no energy for the rest of the day.

Kevin: I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this?
Michael Scott: You know what, guys, let's just enjoy lunch.
Kevin: With what? How? Sometimes, Michael. Sometimes.

Dwight K. Schrute: [on cell phone] Greg, hello, it's Dwight from the vestibule. You want to know my eleventh commandment? I will not be undersold.
Michael Scott: Hey, Dwight. Dwight, hey.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am ready to love thy neighbor with these kind of discounts.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me? Stop it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll call you back.