Michael Scott: Alright, you'll miss the best prank ever.
Jim: Alright. Wait, what are you planning on doing?
Michael Scott: Do you really wanna know?
Jim: Oh, God.
Michael Scott: Follow me, come here. Here's what we brought. We brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought silly string, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.
Dwight K. Schrute: Or real bombs.
Michael Scott: No, no, not real bombs.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, come on, it will be so badass.
Michael Scott: Maybe, maybe, I don't know.

Jim: So the deal was, Dwight doesn't blow anything up, and I wear a costume. And a moustache.

Michael Scott: So, why did you and Karen break up? Was it the sex?
Jim: What?
Michael Scott: I can't imagine the sex being bad, I mean her body is awesome.
Jim: Okay, you know what? Why don't we play that alphabet game that you were talking about?
Michael Scott: Okay, I will start. "A." "Andy. My name is Alan, and my wife's name is Alice, we live in Alaska, and we sell-" Damn it! What do we sell? Um.
Jim: Doesn't matter.
Michael Scott: I'm trying to think of what we could sell.
Jim: Doesn't matter.

Oscar: Can you imagine a life where all you have to do is summer in the Italian countryside?
Toby: I know right? I just want to go, and look at art, and swim in the Adriatic.
Pam: And spend time with George Emerson. That's what I would do. I mean it's the best male protagonist we've read, right?
Andy: Totally, I mean, come on, such a free spirit.
Oscar: What are you doing?
Andy: Just came to discuss my favorite E.M. Forester novel. Pam, these finger sandwiches look finger-lickin' delicious.
Pam: I'm sorry, Andy, but this is a closed club.

Andy: Fine. I'll just sit here, in the common area, and read my book. Which just happens to be the very same book you're reading.
Toby: Alright, just know that you're not in the Finer Things Club.
Andy: Why can't I be in the club?

Jim: I can't believe we're here, I can't believe this is happening.
Dwight K. Schrute: Believe it.
Michael Scott: Afro wig, do you want the afro wig?
Jim: No, Michael. I'm not leaving the car.

Michael Scott: Alright, Dwight, here's how it's going to go down. You and I- Guy's going by. You and I are going to sneak inside and pretend that we are warehouse workers. Then we will silly string the beejeezus out of the place.
Dwight K. Schrute: And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guy in the eye with the jumbo chalk.
Jim: No, no, you won't do that. Nope.
Dwight K. Schrute: Then I will grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes.
Jim: Dwight, nothing with the eyes, please?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, Jim.

[Kevin is slowly putting money in the vending machine during The Finger Things meeting]
Pam: I think it's interesting how Forster uses Italy to represent sexuality and passion. And that also brought up themes of, uh, you know, fate and coincidence. And Lucy's torn between these two things. She's torn between passion and convention.
Kevin: Damn it! [banging the vending machine]
Pam: To be making a case for passion in Edwardian times, I thought was, uh-
Kevin: Yes! Damn it!
Pam: Maybe sort of ahead of his time as a writer.
Oscar: Very brave. [Phyllis starts using the microwave]
Pam: Very brave choice, I thought also.

Jim: [on walkie-talkie] Alright, Great Scott, if you found that choking hazard poster, just head on home.
Michael Scott: We found something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier.
Jim: Isn't that thing huge?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall, into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running.
Jim: No, that is a terrible idea, don't do this.
[Screaming and a crashing sound is heard across the walkie-talkie]
Dwight K. Schrute: My hip bone!
Michael Scott: We're wedged between the copier and the railing. Ow, my leg! Jim, leave us. Save yourself!
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't leave us, help us, we need help Jim!
Jim: First of all, stop using my name. And second of all-Damn it guys!

Jim: [on walkie-talkie] Oh my God, oh my God, Karen is back!
Dwight K. Schrute: Did you say Karen?
Michael Scott: Take her to a motel, make love to her, Jim.
Jim: No, I'm not doing that.
Michael Scott: Just say you wanna get back together.
Jim: No, I'm not doing that!
Michael Scott: It doesn't have to mean anything. Just do it for Stanley. Come on Jim, just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Jim, if this is it for me, promise me something. Host the Dundies.