Captain Jack: Actually, I'm the skipper.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Captain Jack: But you could be Gilligan.
Michael Scott: No! I'd rather die. Hi. I am Michael Scott. I am the captain of this party.
Captain Jack: I'm Captain Jack. I'm captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on this ship. Hi, welcome aboard.
Michael Scott: Okay.

Michael Scott: In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulous.

Captain Jack: Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack.
Michael Scott: And I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!
Captain Jack: Okay, so-
Michael Scott: Okay, so-
Captain Jack: Please. The life preservers-
Michael Scott: Right.
Captain Jack: -they are located underneath the seats all along the perimeter of the boat.
Michael Scott: Don't worry, you are not gonna be needing life preservers tonight.
Captain Jack: Well, we might be.
Michael Scott: It's just gonna be-
Captain Jack: Please let me finish. Okay? Thank you.

Captain Jack: Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! That's right, partiers, it's time to limbo, limbo, limbo! So, okay. All right, I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick! Who's it gonna be? Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Me, me, me.
Captain Jack: Usually it's a woman.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm stronger.
Captain Jack: Hey, I got an idea. How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight? [later:] Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you.

Dwight K. Schrute: [singing] What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor Early in the morning?
Angela: Hey, come inside and talk to me.
Dwight K. Schrute: I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?

Captain Jack: So, what's this presentation all about?
Michael Scott: See? This is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save?
Captain Jack: Women and children.
Michael Scott: No, no, salesmen and profit centers.
Captain Jack: That's a stupid analogy.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership.
Captain Jack: Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone coastal patrol boat during Desert Storm.

Dwight K. Schrute: Wow, you should be the motivational speaker.
Michael Scott: Him? Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, he gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour.

Captain Jack: Hey, hey, hey! I got an idea, I got an idea. I could marry you right now as captain of the ship.
Michael Scott: I could marry you as Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin!
Pam: No, no, no. I want my mom and dad to be there.
Michael Scott: Then I'll give you away!
Pam: No, thank you.

Dwight K. Schrute: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the moon.
Michael Scott: Captain Jack's a fart-face. [retching] I'm on medication.
Brenda: Really? What?
Michael Scott: Vomacillin.

Michael Scott: Is somebody there?
Jim: What happened to you?
Michael Scott: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Jim: Oh, right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking?
Michael Scott: Yeah. He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.