‘Andy's Ancestry’
Season 9, Episode 3 - Aired October 4, 2012
Nellie gets her own back on Andy when she fakes a genealogy report, leading his co-workers to think his family may once have owned slaves. Meanwhile, Dwight helps Erin learn a new language, Pam prepares Nellie for a driving test, and Darryl grows fed up of the way his ideas are treated.
Quote from Andy
Andy: We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it.
Oscar: The difference is, Andy, that you're the only here still benefiting from the terrible things that your ancestors did.
Andy: Might have done. And how do you figure?
Oscar: Your family's rich. I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.
Andy: You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth could one day benefit society... If capital gains are ever taxed at the same rate as earned income.
Quote from Nellie
Pam: It's, uh, a text from Andy. "New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P." And then in parentheses, he wrote out "as soon as possible."
Nellie: Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, "looking for dirt."
Pam: Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding.
Nellie: Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding.
Pam: Oh, gee. I'm...
Nellie: No! I'm just practicing my lying. [whispers] I love it.
Quote from Nellie
Nellie: What should we say about Jim?
Pam: Um. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up.
Nellie: My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. ... I just made a joke then.
Pam: I'm sorry. It's just, um, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me.
Nellie: Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair!
Pam: Jim? No.
Nellie: [sighs] How can you be sure?
Pam: Because he just loves me too much.
Nellie: You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam?
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French.
Erin: Yeah. Let's do it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Athdavrazar!
Erin: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: It means "excellent". And we have begun.
Quote from Nellie
Nellie: It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "Demandy"... I just want to hit the open road and drive, man! But in whose car?
Andy: Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.
Quote from Jim
Pam: I'm sorry I'm leaving you alone for lunch.
Jim: Don't worry about it. I have a thing. A thing of soup. Which I've been wanting to try.
Quote from Nellie
Pam: You know, I really do think it would be worth it to pull over and just take ten minutes to eat.
Nellie: Mmm. The thing is Pam, I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving, so, I might as well get good at it.
Pam: Brake lights. Brake lights! Brake lights! Brake lights!
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: I throat-rip.
Erin: Foth aggendak!
Dwight K. Schrute: You throat-rip.
Erin: Foth aggendi!
Dwight K. Schrute: He/she/it throat rips.
Erin: Foth aggenda!
Dwight K. Schrute: More of a, barbaric growl.
Erin: [gravely] Foth aggenda!
Dwight K. Schrute: Louder! You're shouting it from the back of a horse!
Erin: Foth aggenda!
Quote from Pam
Pam: Nellie's pretty fearless. And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun.