Jim: I don't know, Dwight, I think maybe you should check again.
Dwight K. Schrute: Nope, I wasn't bitten.
Jim: Well, maybe it isn't warm enough in here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect.
Jim: Come on.
Dwight K. Schrute: If there were any in here, they would've embedded themselves in me.

Dwight K. Schrute: Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the VP job unless I do it first.
Jim: Is that really how you want to get this job?
Dwight K. Schrute: Such a chorus girl.

Dwight K. Schrute: [to Nellie] Eugh! Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.

Pam: Hey, Darryl. You okay?
Darryl: She's got a boyfriend.
Andy: Play it cool, man. She'll come around.
Pam: No, you should go for it. I mean nothing would've happened with me and Jim if he didn't put himself out there.
Andy: Yeah, but my friend Jim would tell you to play it cool.
Pam: My husband would tell you to go for it.

Ryan: Hey, this is fun.
Erin: A lot of fun.
Ryan: I know. Can I give you a compliment? I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day.
Erin: You should move down here with me.
Ryan: Yeah?
Erin: We could be roommates.
Ryan: Really?
Erin: We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl-
Ryan: Yeah.
Erin: Maybe in six months-
Ryan: [louder] Six months?... Um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly.

Nellie: Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay... Seven, one, one, nine.
Nellie: No, no, no. Not numbers, no.
Dwight K. Schrute: No? Okay.
Nellie: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Try again... Ugh, I'm still getting numbers! Seven, one, one... Is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven one one? 'cause please stop, okay?
Nellie: Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time.
Dwight K. Schrute: [gasps] Wait, the numbers!
Nellie: Mm-hmm.

Kelly: Andy, this has been an amazing night. Epic.
Andy: Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee...
Phyllis: No way!
Andy: I got "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion"!

Val: Hey. I just wanted to apologize. I mean, that was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again?
Darryl: Sure.
Val: Okay, thanks.
Darryl: Hey, just so you know, me and you, I don't think that's ridiculous. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

Jim: Alright, now I think it's time for you to go.
Cathy: What? Oh, Jim, I thought we talked about this. You're cool, right?
Jim: Cathy! Go!
Dwight K. Schrute: [wearing face mask with spray chemicals in hand] Where's the bug?
Jim: Awesome.
Dwight K. Schrute: [sprays the bed and Cathy] Stand back!
Cathy: Aah! Stop, it, oh my god! That burns! What is that?!
Dwight K. Schrute: [continues spraying the bed] It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off the maid's cart!
Jim: Right there!
Cathy: Oh stop it, stop it, stop it!
Jim: Oh, big one! Big one! Really big one!
Cathy: I can't breathe!
Dwight K. Schrute: I think I saw it! I think I saw it!
Cathy: Stop it! [runs out the door]
Jim: Nice job, I think you got 'em.
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't stay here, this place is a bio-hazard. If I were you, I'd just bunk with Cathy.

Darryl: What's up man? I'm Darryl.
Brandon: Darryl, I heard about you. You doing good?
Darryl: Oh yeah.
Brandon: Must be doing real good since you're [beep]my girlfriend.
Everyone: Whoa.
Kevin: Dude, you didn't tell me you were [beep] Val. High five!
Darryl: I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend.