Frankie: Well, I just want to thank Brick for giving me my best resolution ever. I love spending time with you, even if it did go horribly, horribly wrong.
Brick: Oh, I didn't give you that resolution.
Axl: I did. [chuckles] Got Mom off my back and onto yours. Killed two nerds with one stone.
Sue: Wait, so if you wrote Brick's, then who told me not to try out for stuff? [Mike raises his hand] Thanks for believing in me, Dad.
Brick: I had Axl. Our room was disgusting.
Sue: I had Brick. Wait, then who had Dad?
Frankie: He has a nice smile. [Mike smiles] Okay, now you got, like, eight different kinds of food in your teeth. Well, I'm proud of us. We stuck to our resolutions, and from here on out, it's just gonna get better. I feel it. 2012 is gonna be the year of the Hecks.
[As the Hecks toast each other, a tow-truck removes a car from the parking lot.]
Frankie: [v.o.] I know what you're thinking, but that's not our car. [the towed car scratches up against another car] That's our car.

Frankie: Hey, wait, wait, wait. You can't all just go to bed. It's the start of a brand-new year. Come on, you know the drill. We at least have to do the resolutions.
Axl: Not the resolutions.
Sue: I've got, like, 15 great ones.
Mike: Frankie, we really gonna go through this charade again? Why don't you just donate 100 bucks to curves and call it a day?
Axl: Dad's right. Every year, you make us say all this stupid stuff we're gonna do, and none of us ever do it.
Frankie: Wow! Are we really so lazy that none of us can think of a single thing we can improve on?
Axl: Sorry, Mom. I don't need to do anything better. I can think of a lot of things the rest of you need to do better, though.

Frankie: Okay. Who wants to go-
Axl: I'll go. "Stop being a pig, and clean that filth hole you call a room." Oh. Very clever, Mom. I get it. This is just a scam to get us all to do the things you're too lazy to do yourself.
Frankie: It may be mine. It may not be mine. You don't know.
Mike: Go, Brick.
Brick: Okay. "Stop reading all the time." I'm out.
Sue: Brick, once you read a book, it's done, but you could go back to the Spud Bar as many times as you want.
Axl: How about this? I'll stop reading, and Brick can clean my room.
Sue: No switching.

Sue: Okay. It's my turn. I'm so excited. Drum roll, please.
Mike: It's 1:00 in the morning, Sue. Just read it.
Sue: "Stop trying out for things you'll never make." Axl!
Axl: It may be mine. It may not be mine. You don't know.
Sue: We said, no mean resolutions. Mom, I want a new non-mean, non-Axl resolution.
Frankie: Nobody gets a new one. Whoever gave it to you... [slaps Axl's arm] Just thinks maybe you should take a little break.

Frankie: Mike, you're up.
Mike: "Smile more." This is just dumb. Who wrote this? Who thinks I need to smile more? [all hands go up] What are you talking about? I smile. I smile all the time.
Frankie: Mm, no, you don't. You scowl.
Mike: I scowl?
Brick: And sometimes sneer.
Mike: Fine. So I'm not going around grinning like a chimp. When I choose to smile, you know I mean it. [to Frankie] Hey, you scowl. How come you're allowed to scowl and I'm not?
Frankie: I'm little. I can get away with it. Big, giant, scowling, scary man... not so much. Big, giant, smiling, scary man... delightful.

Brick: Hey! Are you nuts? I'm in detox. You can't throw an open book in my face.
Axl: Chill out.
Brick: You chill out! I haven't read in ten hours. I didn't even get to read in school today.
Frankie: Knock knock.
Brick: [sharply] What?
Frankie: Hey, Brick. I know I've been busy, but guess what? There's ants in the dishwasher hole. You want to come help me put down some traps?
Brick: Yeah, I think I'll pass.
Frankie: Oh, come on. You and me, pal. Watching 'em all march to their death together? If that's not a mother-son bonding activity, I don't know what is.
Brick: [sighs] And I hate it when people say, "knock knock." It's irritating. Just knock or don't knock.

Sue: Unless... Wait a minute. Maybe what they're saying is that I've been trying too hard to do other people's things, and that I should do my own thing. Of course. It's a riddle! "Stop trying out for things you'll never make." Instead, "Make your own opportunities." I can't believe I ever looked at this negatively. [gasps] I could start my own club!
Brad: Brilliant.
Sue: Oh, my God. Brad. Does anyone cheer for you guys during your meets?
Brad: No, it smells pretty bad in there.
Sue: Well, then I am just gonna have to convince your coach that you need Wrestlerettes. "Why there should be Wrestlerettes. Reason number one: if there weren't supposed to be wrestling cheerleaders why would pin rhyme with win?"

Sue: Coach Lazovick? My name is Sue Heck, I'm a frosh here at Orson high school, and I think the wrestling team should have cheerleaders. "Reason number-"
Coach Lazovick: Okay.
Sue: Really? You don't want to hear any one of my reasons? I have over 200.
Coach Lazovick: Nope.
Sue: Oh. Okay. But so you know, I do have one day of cheerleading experience, so I'm legit. Also, full disclosure. I had a prior romantic relationship with one of your athletes.
Coach Lazovick: Who?
Sue: Brad Bottig.
Coach Lazovick: [looks up] Really? [Sue nods] First meet's Friday. No uniforms, no budget.
Sue: I won't let you down.
Coach Lazovick: That wouldn't be possible.

Frankie: [v.o.] So Axl's resolution may not have amounted to much, but Sue had found her calling.
Sue: I'm Sue Heck, captain and head wrestlerette. Now, I have to warn you girls right up front, you're not all gonna make the squad. As many as one of you won't, and, weird Ash - I mean, Ashley - just because you went to prom with my brother doesn't mean you're getting special treatment. Remember, we represent the team, we represent the school, we represent America. Now if you make the squad, you'll be getting a call from me tomorrow by 6:00 P.M., and I know what it's like to wait by the phone. You know what? I'll call by 5:30.

Brick: I'm three days bookless, but I'm doing good, Mom. How are you doing with your resolution?
Frankie: Uh, I'm going into the laundry room now. You wanna come? I'll let you scoop the powder.
Brick: Scoop the powder? All right, Mom. I'm gonna give you one more shot. I don't have school on Friday, so we can spend the whole day together then.
Frankie: Oh, shoot. I would so love that, but I gotta work on Friday.
Brick: Okay. Arlo's mom is taking him to laser tag, so maybe I'll just go with him, spend the day with his mom.
Frankie: What? I mean, come on. Anybody can go to laser tag. You know what would be really fun? Coming to work with me. You can hang out and see what I do and why I'm so tired all the time.
Brick: You do seem overly tired for a woman your age.