Frankie: [v.o.] So just when Sue had decided it was just one amazing kiss over a garbage can, and that's all it would ever be...
Darrin: Hey. I wrote a song. This song is called "Betsy - Not Her Real Name." [sings] Sometimes it's easier to sing your feelings Than to say them to her face Sometimes it's easier to look in her eyes When I'm pretending to tie my shoelace But the moment our lips met, I knew I could never dismiss Our magical trash can kiss It was one moment of bliss My magical trash can kiss One moment of bliss My magical trash can kiss
Sean: Oh, my God. I wish I was deaf.
Axl: That sucked. That's... Even Sue thinks it sucked. Look, she's crying. [laughs]

Frankie: [v.o.] The next morning, I'd like to say I felt better, that the little cheery e-mail update they sent us parents had eased my concerns. I'd like to say that.
Mike: "Missing boy + Chicago"? What are you doin'?
Frankie: What, you think "kidnapped + Chicago" is a better search?
Mike: Trust me. If anyone's dumb enough to kidnap Brick, after a couple days, they'll bring him back.
Frankie: I can't believe you're making jokes about this.
Mike: Look, Brick's growing up. We raised him right. Hopefully some of it stuck. Give him a chance to impress you. It'll prove you right. Worrying doesn't do any good.
Frankie: That's not true. It shows God that you're paying attention, that you're not getting cocky. Who's the person that always gets the piano dropped on their head? The one whistling, not the one looking up.
Mike: How many people you know have gotten a piano dropped on their head?
Frankie: "Piano head + death."
Mike: Will you cut it out? Get off the computer.
Frankie: I just can't stop thinking he's in some kind of danger.
Mike: Frankie, listen to me. He was fun while we had him.
Frankie: Mike, stop doing that.

Frankie: [v.o.] The next day, I was actually feeling a little better. Mike was right. There was no point in worrying. I just needed to take my mind off Brick, and there's no better distraction than Oscar night. And there was so much to distract me. There was the pre-pre-show. The pre-arrival show, the pre-red carpet, the arrivals, the red carpet, the interviews, the ring cam, the bling cam, the post-red carpet, and the post-interview wrap-up.

Frankie: Come on. Everybody fill out a ballot.
Mike: I haven't seen any of these movies. And unless you're having an affair, neither have you.
Frankie: Just fill it out. Where are you going?
Mike: I'm gonna call some of the guys from the quarry, see what their picks are.
Frankie: Really?
Mike: No. I'm going to get a beer.

Frankie: Oh, Kate Winslet and Bill Paxton are about to present.
Sue: That's Cate Blanchett and Bill Pullman.
Frankie: They really should make them wear name tags.
Mike: Maybe you should suggest that at the next People magazine crossword meeting.
Frankie: You know you're wrecking this for me.

Frankie: Hey, Brick. Brick? What are doing here? You're home. What happened?
Mike: Well, we got back to the school, and everyone was real excited to see their parents, and I thought you'd be there, but you weren't. All the other parents were there. A lot of them had "Welcome Home" signs, and I was waiting and waiting, thinking you'd come, but you didn't. So I got a ride home with Mrs. Donahue, and she couldn't believe that you wouldn't have picked me up. She thought something must have happened to you, but... I guess not.
Axl: And the Oscar for worst mother goes to...
Frankie: No, no, no, no. That's not right. I was supposed to pick you up tomorrow. It was a 3-day trip: Friday, Saturday, Su- I can still buy you candy.
Brick: You were worried about me being irresponsible, and you didn't even pick me up.
Frankie: All right, I think you're stating what we all already know, but you're home now. So come on. Sit down. I wanna hear all about your trip.
Brick: Ah, forget it.
Frankie: No. Come on, Brick. I'm sorry. I wanna hear all about it. [to Sue] Put in a tape.

Axl: Now grab a bag to barf in before I tell you this 'cause I have got some disgusting news. You ready? All right? Sue and my ex-friend Darrin think they like each other. Yeah. Absorb that. They're gonna do stuff. [chuckles] Maybe not yet. But they're gonna do stuff, and... I can't even talk about this. I'm making myself sick.
Frankie: Darrin? Really? Huh. Well, Axl, Sue's getting older, and you have to expect things like this to happen. They spend a lot of time toge-
Axl: No! No! Now I know I've said this before, but this time I mean it! Do some parenting! Make them stop! Maybe you should worry a little less about me flushing and more about who your daughter's dating. Hmm?

Frankie: Well... this is interesting. Hmm. I guess she was bound to date one of Axl's friends.
Mike: Yeah. I don't like it. He's too old, he's too dumb, and he's too Darrin.
Frankie: Well, yes, he's all those things, but he's also very sweet and harmless.
Mike: That's what the neighbors always say about serial killers.
Frankie: Mike, we've known his family for years. They're good people. He's a nice kid. Let's not overreact.
Mike: I can't believe you're not worried about this. He's 18, and he looks 30.

Frankie: Well, you're the one who said they're getting older. They're growing up. We have to trust that we've done our job and that Sue's ready to make good decisions. You said you don't worry, so just don't worry.
Mike: Nobody likes being given their own advice, Frankie.
Frankie: Well, what are we supposed to do? We can't tell her she can't go out with him. She already had car dates with Matt.
Mike: She did?
Frankie: Mm.
Mike: Where was I?
Frankie: You...
Mike: I'm gonna talk to this kid. Whatever happened to Brad? I liked it when she was dating Brad.

Frankie: [v.o.] So another Oscar night had come and gone. There were winners...
Sue: We're going out for fro-yo. We'll be back in half an hour. Bye!
Frankie: [v.o.] There were losers... [Axl sits in the fetal position on a chair] and there were surprises...
Brick: Ooh, and here's a picture of me at Wrigley Field.
Frankie: I didn't know you guys went to Wrigley Field.
Brick: Oh, no, just me.