Frankie: [v.o.] Okay, so I was pretty darn nervous about Brick going to Chicago, but I figured once I heard the details of the trip, I would feel better. I was wrong... very, very wrong.
Mr. Walker: Now as far as the hotel goes, we won't have an adult in each room, but the kids will be trusted to monitor themselves.
Frankie: Oh, God.
Mr. Walker: They'll have exactly 26 minutes to wander around the Observation Deck on the 103 floor.
Frankie: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Mr. Walker: And then it's off to Gino's East, where each child will make their own deep dish pizza in an 800-degree oven.
Frankie: What are you doing to me?
Mr. Walker: And that brings us to 8:25 and the end of my presentation, right on time as... always. Thank you.

Connie: Okay, uh, very informative, Mr. Walker. Now everyone who's interested in chaperoning, please put their name in this bowl.
Mr. Walker: Remember to fold your paper squares twice: once, and once again.
Frankie: [v.o.] All right, if there was any way I was letting Brick go on this trip, I was gonna have to do something that goes against everything I stand for... volunteer.
Frankie: Hi, Connie. Well, listen, you're in luck. I've cleared my schedule, and I'm available to chaperone the trip, so Chaperone Frankie reporting for duty.
Connie: Oh, that's wonderful, Frankie, but actually, everybody here wants to chaperone this trip. This is the crown jewel of field trips.
Frankie: Oh. Well, I should really be one of the chaperones, 'cause I haven't volunteered for anything all year.
Connie: Oh, now do you really think that's fair? For you to get to go on the most coveted field trip after not volunteering for anything all year?
Frankie: Look, Brick's kind of special, and not the kind you slap a bumper sticker on your car to brag about, so...
Connie: Sorry. We have a fair way of doing it. We put all the names in a big bowl, and we pick four, and those are the ones that get to be the chaperones. Good luck.

Frankie: [to another mom] You know, if I were you, I wouldn't even wanna go on this trip. Kids throw up on buses, and when one goes, they all go.
Connie: Okay, here we go. Fingers crossed, everyone. "Jenna Bieler." [woman celebrates] "Connie McDonald." Oh, that's me. Oh. "Julia Laumann."
Julia: Whoo!
Connie: And finally... "Scott Ridgeway."
Frankie: W-wait a minute. Hold on a second. A man's name? How is there a man's name in there? I don't see any men here.
Connie: He had a previous engagement.
Frankie: I'm sorry. Something doesn't smell right here. I mean, come on. You just happened to pick your own name? We're supposed to believe that was just a coincidence? This thing is obviously rigged. I mean, I didn't get picked, and I put my name in four times.

Sue: [coughs as she walks by Darrin]
Darrin: Hey, Sue.
Sue: Oh. Hey, Darrin. Didn't see you there. So...
Axl: Oh, my God! What are you doing in the senior hall? No suck-mores allowed in the senior hall, unless you're hot, which you're not. I'm Axl Heck, and I approved this message. Go! Sorry about that, Darrin.

Sue: Sorry. I forgot you guys were rehearsing today. Don't mind me.
Axl: What are you wearing? Why are you dressed like that?
Sue: Oh! I don't know. Ah! I was just gonna get the rake. I was just gonna do some... raking. Oh! There's the turpentine. [clatter] Oh! These high heels sure do come in handy. Well... you guys can keep playing. I'll just watch.
Axl: Ew! No.
Darrin: Why not? I mean... we don't get a lot of practice in front of people.
Axl: Sue is not people! Now get out!
Sue: But, Axl, I- [Axl strums guitar] Axl, you- [Axl strums guitar] Why are you being so-- [Axl strums guitar] Aah!

Sue: Hi, Darrin.
Darrin: Hey, Sue. You look really nice.
Sue: Thanks. It's Oscar night.
Sue: Hey. Um... I didn't get a chance to tell you the other day, but you are an amazing singer/songwriter. Seriously. No, you are like Jon Bon Jovi.

Darrin: Why are they called the Oscars, anyway? Why not the Normans or the Felixes?
Sue: [laughs] Or the Darrins.
Darrin: And why the red carpet? Why not a blue one?
Sue: [laughs] That's hilarious. Uh, here. I'll help you with your ballot.
Axl: If somebody's boob doesn't pop out soon, I'm outta here. Seriously, Darrin. This is boring. Let's go.
Darrin: Oh, come on. I wanna stay. I really like my choice for best sound mixing.

Mike: Documentary short. Boom.
Frankie: Aw! I didn't know Kiko's Bike was about Ugandan warlords. I would never have picked Mandel Bread For Nana.

Axl: [shouts at the TV] Boring! Your speech is boring! Play him off.

Axl: No! No way! Absolutely not!
Sue: Axl, you don't underst-
Axl: Go to your room!
Sue: You can't tell me to-
Axl: Go to your room!