‘The Wedding’
Season 3, Episode 24 - Aired May 23, 2012
Frankie and Mike are surprised when they receive an invitation to a Rusty's (Norm Macdonald) wedding, but they're even more shocked to learn the wedding will be held in their backyard in just a few days. Meanwhile, Axl, Sean and Darrin form their own company, Boss Co., to earn money over the summer, while Brick is actually upset that the wedding will preclude him from going to another party.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Hey, I got an idea. This summer, why don't we ditch our bosses and just start our own business?
Darrin: But who'd be the boss?
Sean: I vote all of us.
Axl: Nice! Three-way co-bosses! Boom!
Frankie: Jobs. I'm not kidding.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: "Marlene Ludlow"? Who the hell's Marlene Ludlow?
Mike: I don't know.
Frankie: Well, how long have they been dating?
Mike: I don't know.
Frankie: Well, how'd they meet?
Mike: I don't know.
Frankie: Honestly, I don't get your family. You don't know each other's names, you don't know when you're getting married... Next weekend? Your brother's getting married next weekend, and we didn't even know he was dating anyone. Learn to share.
Mike: Look, we're not showboaters... But yeah, that's definitely weird.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: How'd it go?
Mike: Well...
Frankie: Oh, you did not.
Mike: What can I say, Frankie? You do for family.
Frankie: Oh, now you do for family? You never want to do for family when you have to miss a football game to go visit my sister, but all of a sudden, you're Captain Do-For-Family?
Quote from Sue
Sue: Do what for family?
Mike: Uh, having Uncle Rusty's wedding here on Saturday.
Sue: [gasps] The wedding is happening at our house? [screams]
Frankie: Even Sue can see it's ridiculous. And- And what do you plan on feeding 'em? Huh? And how many people are even coming?
Mike: I don't know.
Frankie: [at the same time] You don't know.
Mike: Look, don't make a big deal. It's Rusty. Just nuke some pizza rolls and be done.
Frankie: Oh, right, and let's not even have plates. People can just stand around in the yard and graze like cows.
Sue: Don't worry, Mom. As the newest Heck woman, I can help. I'll go get my wedding notebook from when I thought me and Matt were gonna get married.
Quote from Brick
Sue: Uncle Rusty is getting married here on Saturday.
Brick: Cool. Take lots of pictures for me.
Sue: Yeah.
Mike: Why? Where you gonna be?
Brick: I have a previous commitment to an end-of-school party for which I have already RSVP'd "yes."
Frankie: You... want to go to a party? With people? You?
Brick: It's at Hayley's.
Frankie: Oh. The biter.
Mike: Oh. Well, sorry, buddy, but you can't go.
Brick: What? But it's been on the books for weeks. And let's be honest... I don't make a lot of demands, socially.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Mike, you really think this dump is fit for a wedding?
Mike: It's Rusty. The man lived in a tent for two years.
Brick: Then no reason he can't have his wedding in said tent. Small, intimate... sans me.
Mike: Look, we'll just do the bare minimum, like always.
Frankie: The bare minimum's for our private lives, Mike. We can't let others see how we really live. It's embarrassing.
Mike: Look, I don't like this, either, but you, of all people, should get this. You're the one who's always saying you do for family.
Frankie: I meant my family.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Hi, Hayley. I wanted to talk to you about your party.
Hayley: Oh, yeah. I'm really glad you'll be there, Brick. The bouncy house starts at 4:00, then the ice cream sundaes, then from 5:00 to 7:00, we're having a bookmobile.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Wait, I got it. Boss train! I get behind Darrin. Sean, you get behind me. On three, we pull! One, two, three! Come on, boss train! We can do it! [Darrin grunts] I think it moved.
Darrin: No, that was my shoulder popping out.
Axl: Oh. Oh. Okay. Uh, on three... Push Darrin's shoulder back in. One, two, three. [all grunt]
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] So with only two days left till the big day, it was time for Rusty's bachelor party. While I was in the kitchen, getting to know the blushing bride.
Frankie: So hi, sister-in-law. Oh, and just so you know, by Saturday, this will all look so much better.
Marlene: Oh, thanks for doing this. I mean, we were this close to going to Vegas, so...
Frankie: Really? That close?
Marlene: Yeah.
Frankie: Oh. So, how'd you meet Rusty?
Marlene: Oh, well, uh, he drove through my tollbooth one day, short a quarter, so I loaned him one. Then the next week, he borrowed another one. Then the next week and the next week. Then he took me out for a beer, I slept with him, he passed out, and I got my dollar back.
Frankie: Oh. So you got a dress?
Marlene: Oh, I'm just gonna wear the one from my first wedding. I didn't like number two, and three was just a bikini, so...
Frankie: Oh, wow. You got married on the beach?
Marlene: No.
Quote from Mike
Mike: I wonder if Marlene has any idea what kind of a moron she's marrying.
Frankie: Well, she's a bit of an odd-y herself. I feel like we should warn one of 'em, but I don't know which.
Mike: You should just have heard Rusty going on like he's the Dad of the year or something.
Frankie: Well, it's Rusty. Nothing he says or does makes any sense. Why is this bugging you so much?
Mike: 'Cause I've been a dad for 17 years, and he's been one for what? 11 days? And he acts like we're the same. He's got no idea. Being a dad takes hard work and patience... [Brick comes in] Yeah, yeah. Last word. Go to bed. [to Frankie] I mean, if he thinks raising kids is easy, he's in for a real shocker.