Axl: Good afternoon. We're the bosses of Boss Co., and we're here to inform you we've recently begun services in your area.
Man: Okay. What do you do?
Axl: Uh... let me ask you a question. What do you need done? And we'll do that. That's actually our motto.
Sean: And with Boss Co., you don't get any employees - just bosses, bringing the savings to you, the customer.
Man: I'll give you $100 to remove that stump.
Axl: [snickers] I'm sorry. I thought you said, $100.
Man: I did.
[Axl, Sean and Darrin turn around and tremble at the thought of earning $100]
Axl: Oh, my God.

Sue: Mom? What are you doing?
Frankie: "What am I doing"? There's 50 people coming here, Sue. 50 people. That's a hundred eyes judging us. 99 if you count Uncle Burt.
Sue: Well, not to worry. I know we're in crunch mode, so I called in the cavalry.
Brad: Hi, Mrs. Heck. I just have one questionwhat is your flower budget?
Frankie: Whatever we can steal from the park without getting caught. Axl?! Axl! I need you to get your crap out of here so I can see the underneath crap I'm dealing with. Oh, my God. Everything looks a thousand times worse from up here.

Sue: Mom. Brad has so many great wedding ideas for a boy.
Frankie: Wow. I'll bet he does. You know, if you really want to help, that stupid porch light has been out for five years, so go buy me a new light bulb. And I just flung a fly-covered sponge over, and I think it landed on Brick's sandwich. Can you get that for me?
Sue: Okay, but that's not very wedding-y.
Frankie: Fine. You can also pick up the cake.
Sue: [screams] We scored cake duty?!
Brad: The sweetest of duties.
Sue: When's it ready? What time should we pick it up?
Frankie: I don't know, Sue! You're supposed to be helping! Just figure it out! Ew! Who put a Band-Aid on here?! [window pane falls and shatters] Oh, right.

[As Sue and Brick try to strip wallpaper]
Brick: I think this might be a bigger job than mom thought.
Frankie: Keep peeling! The wedding's tomorrow! [on the phone] Yeah, enough for a medium-sized dining room. Two weeks? For any wallpaper? But you're Wallpaper World! Well, not much of a world, are you? Hello?
Sue: Ah! I think got the hang of this! Stop peeling. We gotta put it all back up.
Mike: What made you think you could repaper an entire room in one day?
Frankie: What made you think we could throw a wedding in one week?!
Sue: Mom, it's gonna be totally fine. David Tutera of My Fair Wedding does this all the time.
Frankie: Well, where is he? We still have everything to do: Put out the chairs, decorate the mailbox... Did you get the new light bulb for the patio?
Sue: Oh. I meant to ask you. Do you want the regular kind, or the squiggly pigtail energy-saver kind? And they come in different colors: pink, yellow...
Frankie: I don't know, Sue. I can't hold your hand on every decision. Figure it out. Oh, and, Mike. I heard something else drop into the pool last night. Seriously, how many squirrels have to die before we get a cover?

Frankie: [v.o.] So the big day had arrived, and things were finally under control.
Sue: Are you sure this is a wedding cake?
Man: Yeah.
Sue: And this serves 50 to 60 people?
Man: Depends on how you slice it.
Sue: It's just, I'm pretty sure my mom never would have ordered a hamburger cake. On any other day, I'm sure she would find this hilarious, but we have a wedding in four hours. You gotta make me a new one.
Man: Sorry. Baker's out today.
Brad: Oh, my God, Sue. This is a disaster. We gotta call your mom.
Sue: No, we don't, Brad. WWDTD?
Brad: "What would David Tutera do"?
Sue: Exactly. He'd figure it out.

Axl: We're down 20 bucks for shovels, 60 bucks for axes, and 30 bucks in gas and burn cream. We gotta get this thing out just to break even.
Darrin: Don't forget the 15 bucks for t-shirts, which were Sean's stupid idea.
Sean: Better than your stupid frisbee idea.
Darrin: Frisbees are whimsical and would get our message out to the college community!
Axl: Dudes! Listen to us! We're turning into the very bosses we hate.
Sean: Axl's right. Sorry, Darrin.
Axl: Let's all bring it in for a boss hug.

Sue: [talks rapidly] Wrong cake. Hamburger. Guy was like, "I'm so sorry," and I was like, "No, no, no." And make it back for the reception? Baker gone. Three different stores. Hungarian bakery. Plain cake. Picked flowers. Decorated ourselves. Figured it out! Whew! Isn't it pretty?
Frankie: Where's the light bulb?
Sue: Hamburger.
Frankie: Sue, I've been telling you all week. Light bulb, light bulb, light bulb!
Sue: Fine! Psycho.
Mike: Hey. Don't talk to your mom that way.
Sue: But she doesn't even care about-
Mike: And don't talk back to me. [Sue cries]
Frankie: You happy?! Now you made her cry!
Mike: I was defending you!
Brick: "Psycho". Now that's a last word.

Reverend Hayver: ...so remember, marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. [laughter] Now how about a few words from the groom?
Rusty: [walks up] Uh, thanks. [hands the microphone back]
Reverend Hayver: Now the groom's father?
Big Mike: [remains seated] Ditto.
Reverend Hayver: And finally, the groom's brother and best man, Mike.
Mike: Same here.

Mike: You know, for all our house has been through this year, I think it looks pretty great tonight.
Frankie: It's a good house.
Frankie: [v.o.] Here's the thing. Family is like a stump. Sometimes it's an eyesore, sometimes it drives you nuts, but when you really get in there, all those tangled roots going back years and years... You can try cutting it, burning it, even ripping it out with chains, but if it's a strong stump, it's not going anywhere.

Brick: Well, I've decided on my last word, and that word is... "Pusillanimous." [whispers] Last word. Shoot.