Mike: Hey. Where'd my name go? Who's "Mitch Kellog"?
Mitch: Oh, hey, that's me. I don't think we've met.
Mike: Mike Heck. If the name sounds familiar, it's 'cause it's the one you erased to steal my spot.
Mitch: I'm sorry?
Mike: Apology accepted. Brick? Give me an eraser.
Mitch: Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but there's plenty of spaces available on the classroom beautification committee.
Mike: Ha. "Beautification." Nice try. Brick.
Mitch: I didn't erase your name, pal.
Mitch: Yeah, you did, and you didn't even have the decency to erase the whole thing. You stole the "M" from my "Mike" to make your "Mitch."
Mitch: Sorry, pal. I'm not giving you my spot. Should have brought a pen. [clicks pen]
Mike: Brick? Don't tell your mom what I'm about to do. Ms. Tibbits? He cheated. This man right here, Mitch Kellog...
Frankie: [v.o.] As it turned out, Ms. Tibbits had the same policy about tattling Mike did, except she followed through on it.

Sue: Axl? Can I ask you a favor?
Axl: Sure. Why not?
Sue: Will you-
Axl: No.
Sue: Brad and I really need a ride to the mall tomorrow for our anti-texting-and-driving performance. Lives are depending on it. Will you please drive us?
Axl: Will you make me a sandwich?
Sue: Ugh. Fine.

Frankie: Then he says... "'But' nothing! Now go sell Fish-Face a car."
Mike: Who's Fish-Face?
Frankie: Ah, some customer. Doesn't matter.
Mike: He look like a fish?

Sue: So we need to be at the mall by 3:45.
Axl: Good luck with that.
Sue: Axl.
Axl: What? I said, "Will you make me a sandwich?" I didn't say I'd drive you.
Sue: That is so not fair.
Axl: Fine. Get me some chips.

Mike: Did he have bulging eyes? Is that what it was?
Frankie: I don't know. He had a fish-like essence, okay? The point is I don't have time to sell 500 cars. I got a lot going on this week. I have to be at Brick's school on Friday for Parent Night.

Axl: Ah. Thank you for the chips. Have fun walking to the mall.
Sue: Axl! W-- I cannot believe it. You are so selfish!
[Axl grabs his throat and starts to cough]
Sue: Axl? Are you okay?
Axl: Pop. Pop. [Sue runs to the kitchen]
Mike: I don't get why you're stressing out about Parent Night.
Frankie: Says the man who's never gone.
Mike: It's called "Parent Night," not "Parents Night." If they wanted us both to go, they'd have put another "S" in there.
Axl: [Sue hands him a can of pop] It's almost too easy.
Sue: Oh, Axl. You!

Frankie: [v.o.] Just when I'd reconciled myself to losing my job, things started to pick up, and it looked like I was gonna have to keep it.
Mr. Ehlert: [into microphone] So come on down to Ehlert's before all the deals go racing away!
Bob: [imitates a race car]
Mr. Ehlert: I'm sorry. Did I ask for an impression of the world's loneliest cat?

Brick: Is Mom home yet?
Mike: Nope. What's up?
Brick: Well, I don't have all my intel yet, but I think Sue may be blackmailing Axl.
Mike: Not interested.
Brick: But I just saw him making her-
Mike: Not another word. I don't want to hear it.
Brick: Suit yourself. The candy cigarettes are behind the bread. I'll take two bubble gum and one mint.
Mike: You mean these?
Brick: Those are the ones. Come to papa. [Mike takes one and eats it] What's going on?
Mike: What's going on is I don't reward my kids for ratting each other out, so you're not getting any candy.

Frankie: [v.o.] Unfortunately, things didn't get any easier for Axl, not with a sister drunk with power.
Sue: [British accent] Good afternoon, Jeeves. So where do you guys want to go today?
Brad: Fro-yo!
Carly: Mall.
Sue: Movies! [gasps] We can do all three!
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, she really pushed it.
Brad: I'm late for my voice lesson. Hit it.
Frankie: [v.o.] Then she pushed it some more.
Boy: Arcade, please.
Axl: Who are you?
Boy: Some girl in my science class said you'd take me wherever I wanted to go. If you say, "no," she said to say, "lake."

Frankie: [on the phone] Hi. It's me. It's crazy here, so I can't leave. It looks like you're gonna have to go to Brick's Parent Night.
Mike: Parent Night? Really? Come on. It's everything I don't like. It's parents, it's night, it's not in our living room...
Frankie: Hey, it's not like I'm out sucking down margaritas with the girls. I'm trying to sell 500 cars, and so far we've only sold 4... [customers walk by] Hundred. Yeah, they're going like hotcakes. Now listen. They put out the volunteer sign-up sheets after the teacher's speech, so make sure you sign us up for something good. I'm not scraping gum another year.
Mike: Don't worry, Frankie. I think I can sign a clipboard.
Mr. Ehlert: I'm not paying you to yap on the phone, chatty. Now make me another hot dog. Double relish.