Brick: You know, it wouldn't just be for me. The whole family could use it.
Frankie: [sighs] Are we still talking about that iPad? You know, it was funny the first 70 times. Now it's starting to get old.

Brick: If I get lost on my way to school and need directions... there's an app for that.
Mike: Why are we still talking about this? Go away.
Brick: But, dad, you're not letting me prove my-
Mike: Go. [blows hair dryer at Brick]

Frankie: [v.o.] So while Sue was trying to prove smiling is contagious, Mike and I were proving being nervous definitely was.
Mike: Anything yet?
Frankie: Still waiting. I don't get it. We should have heard something by now. You know that lady in my class?
Her sister got accepted to East Indiana today.
Mike: Crap. Well, let's just agree, whatever happens, he is not living in our house next year.

Mailman: Afternoon, folks. [chuckles]
Frankie: Oh, come on. Mama needs a fat envelope.
Mailman: Beautiful day today, huh?
Frankie: Yeah, whatever. You got anything else in there for us?
Mailman: Nope. That's it.
Frankie: Uh, you know what? How about I just take a little look myself?
Mailman: Oh, ma'am, that's a federal offense.
Frankie: Hey, look, there's a mean dog.
Mailman: Ma'am, I have got to get back on my route. There are other citizens who are counting on me.
Frankie: Oh, what are you, Batman? Let me see in the damn bag! [runs after the mail van] This is my son's future we're talking about! I know it's in there! I know you have it! We never got the Andersons' Christmas card!

Frankie: [v.o.] Two weeks later, and still nothing new with the mail. Well, not exactly nothing.
Frankie: I can't believe they switched our mailman. What are they worried about me for? They're the ones that go postal.

Frankie: You can dust all you want, Brick. You're not getting an iPad.

Axl: Wouldn't Red Lobster be a great place for the family to talk about their day? [singsongy] You know, in case somebody has some news.
Brick: What do you think? Graduation gift?
Frankie: I don't know, Brick. We'll see.
Brick: We'll see for graduation?
Frankie: Sure.
Axl: Don't believe her, Brick. "We'll see" is mom for "we're never going out to eat 'cause for some reason, we hate our kids and delicious, reasonably priced seafood."
Brick: Is that true, Mom?
Frankie: Stop bugging me, both of you. We are not talking about the iPad, and we are not going to Red Lobster.
[cut to the family at Red Lobster:]
Frankie: [v.o.] Look, I never claimed to be strong.

Brick: So since we have established that you agree that the iPad would be great for graduation-
Mike: What the hell is going on? We're out on a Wednesday night. We're talking about iPads. Who are we? New rule: no one asks for anything unless we're both in the room.
Brick: Okay, so can I have an iPad?
Frankie & Mike: No.

Frankie: Okay, everybody, teeth and bed.
Axl: See you guys in the morning. Oh, and by the way, got accepted to East Indiana State.
Frankie: What?
Mike: Is that true?
Axl: Mm-hmm.
Frankie: Seriously?
Mike: You got in? You really got in?
Frankie: Are you messing with me? 'Cause you do not wanna mess with me. Ask our former mailman.
Mike: Don't mess with your mother.
Axl: Okay, no, don't hurt me. I got in. I totally got in. [all cheer]

Axl: Gentlemen, we're going to climb the Orson water tower and use paint to change the word "Orson" to-- preemptive high five "Snore-son"!
Sean: Dude! That's epic.
Axl: Yeah. And then right beneath "snore-son," we're gonna write "2013-- seniors rule." And do you know why?
Because...
Sean & Darrin: Seniors rule!