Sue: Brick, what are you doing? You were supposed to be making a list of potential Mom gifts.
Brick: You said I was spending too much time with the microfiche, and you were right. I thought I could never love again. But I've discovered something so much better. Have you heard of this "Val-U Pack"? It's loaded with literally hundreds of dollars worth of savings, and it comes in this handy carrying case. Look at all these typefaces... italic, bold, serif, sans serif... it's a veritable font of fonts! And so much creative wordplay. Check out this gutsy spelling of "Through"... T-H-R-U! It's almost naughty.
Sue: Yeah, I've heard of 'em, Brick. Everyone has. They come every week.
Brick: What?! How could we be passing up all these great deals? "Free brake inspection at Tire Time," "$10 off Captain Suds power wash," oh, and check this out, walk-in tubs. All these years, we've been climbing into our tubs like idiots!
Sue: This is not what I meant when I said you should start living life.
Brick: "Half off your next pair of contact lenses." I hope I have bad eyesight 'cause if they botch my... laser surgery... this lawyer will hunt them down!

Sue: Brick! Are you not getting my texts? We have to figure out Mother's Day.
Frankie: Oh, if it were 1947, we could take her to Collier's Family Restaurant, but it closed in 1983 due to a fire and never re-opened.
Sue: That's great! But we got to find someplace to take Mom in this century.
Brick: Ahh, 1983... that was Box Number Nine. I worked my way through all nine boxes of microfiche I got from the library. And it's over.
Sue: Really, Brick? You read all that microfiche?
Brick: Yep. Nine years worth of stories... done. I should've appreciated it more. I guess I could go back and look through 'em again. But, it's not the same knowing there aren't any new ones coming.
Sue: Okay, get up. Get up. Get up! Stop living in the past. You have spent the last year hunched over that thing, missing out on life. There is a whole world out there, Brick. It's called Orson, Indiana.
Brick: Hey, you grieve for the microfiche in your way, and I'll grieve in mine.

Sue: I cannot believe you have a fake ID.
Brick: Font Club is very underfunded. That's how we used to raise money... our treasurer has low scruples and a gift. Well, he did, until he got expelled.
Sue: Yeah, but come on, Brick, you don't exactly look 32.
Brick: [frames his face] Look at me from here to here.
Sue: I see it now.
Brick: I voted in the last election.
Waitress: Welcome to King's Head. We got a special tonight on $2 whiskey shots.
Brick: Oh, no, no, no. My ID is fake.
Sue: Two ginger ales and we'll try the 50% off fish and chips.
Brick: I think you're gonna want to roll out the red carpet when you see that we have a coupon from the Val-U Pack.

Mike: [sighs] You don't need to find Axl. Just let me do it. I'm the man. Just let me bring home the plumbing supplies. Don't go bugging him in Denver.
Frankie: Denver?
Mike: What? I didn't say Denver. Get your hearing checked, lady. Heh. When I said Denver, I meant Denver omelet.
Frankie: What?
Mike: Yeah, he likes those now. He likes Denver omelets.
Frankie: Okay, why are you telling me this?
Mike: Boy, you say you like conversation. But when I go to start one, I get shot down.
Frankie: Why are we talking about Denver omelets?
Mike: I don't know. I just... I just think it's interesting. Why is it called that? It's got ham and peppers... nothing about that screams Denver to me. Needs to be called a Western omelet. How'd Denver end up with it? I mean, I know it's out west, but it's not that far out west. Why isn't it called the Reno omelet or the Phoenix omelet? I know a lot of places have food named after 'em... Buffalo wings, Texas toast, Boston baked beans. Those make sense, but Denver omelet? I don't get it.

Brick: We did it! We won! Is this what sports people feel like?!

Sue: Oh, can you imagine Mom's face when we give her an actual trip to London?
Brick: I know. Home of Charles Dickens, Sherlock Holmes... oh, and I can't wait to hear one of their ambulances. Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo!
Sue: What did you just say?
Brick: Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee...
Sue: Nope. The part about you going to London.
Brick: Oh, well, it's a trip for two and Dad won't want to go. He says we beat 'em in 1776 and he doesn't want anything to do with 'em.
Sue: Brick, this trip is about weddings and romance. Clearly Mom is gonna want to take her one and only daughter. Besides, you're busy now with your Val-U Pack. You know another one's gonna come and you won't be here to get it.
Brick: Well, it's Mother's Day, and our mother can decide to bring whoever she wants. And if a coupon for 10% off a deck sanding happens to find its way into her purse, so be it.

Sue: What's with the basket?
Frankie: I'm putting it together for Grandma for Mother's Day. Check it out. I've got all her favorite stuff... Jordan Almonds, a pre-highlighted TV Guide, and a pair of tweezers 'cause she kept asking me if I took her good tweezers when she was here. And I yelled at her and then I realized I actually had by mistakes.

Axl: Oh! What are you doing?
Frankie: Look, sometimes when a woman reaches a certain age, she gets hot in the middle of the night and she needs to get up and go put ice cream sandwiches under her boobs. What are you doing up at 3:00 in the morning?
Axl: Getting a snack that will never, ever again be ice cream sandwiches.

Sue: Just think of a Mom gift. I'm getting an ice cream sandwich. I hope they're not mushy like last time.

Mike: I don't understand this. Phones are for emergencies and ordering pizza. That's it.
Sue: Look, we're lucky we have a daughter who wants to share with us. Not like Axl. He was acting really weird the other night. And where's he been lately? It's like he's never around.
Mike: Oh, I saw him. He was in. And then out again. And the in again.
Frankie: Oh, he's in now?
Mike: Um, y-yeah, I think so.
Frankie: Oh, 'cause I need to tell him that... [Mike steps in front of Frankie] What are you doing?
Mike: You know what, I was wrong. He is out, actually. He's working out.
Frankie: Again? He was working out at the crack of dawn the other day.
Mike: Hey, what's wrong with buffing up? Nothing wrong with going to the gym. You could certainly go to Curves more.