Frankie: Did our church just break up with us?
Mike: At least they had the decency to do it during football season.
Frankie: Ugh. Can you believe that guy? "Feel free to explore other religions."
Brick: I wouldn't mind checking out the Christian Scientists. I hear they have a very nice reading room.
Sue: I don't know why you guys are complaining. I'm the one who doesn't have a car anymore. I can't go back to riding the bus. Do you realize how big of a dork I'll be if I get back on that bus?
[Frankie and Mike look at Sue]
Brick: I miss Axl.

Frankie: Axl, look. Why don't you just talk to your roommate, be diplomatic? You can be very persuasive and charming when you want to.
Axl: I know. I'm amazing. What's your point?
Sue: Why are we still talking about this? We have bigger problems here. We don't have the church van anymore. Do you realize how big of a dork I will be if I get back on that bus?
Axl: Sue, you don't need a bus to be a dork. Your face, clothes, and personality will do the job for you.
Brick: [snaps fingers] There it is.

Mike: Sue... it's not gonna happen. You're just gonna have to suck it up and take the bus.
Sue: But that's not fair! Axl got his own car in high school!
Mike: Yeah, and he held two jobs to pay for the gas and insurance.
Sue: Oh, my God! I'm 16! I can get a job! I can work! I'm so lucky!
Frankie: Yeah, your dad and I pinch ourselves every day.
Sue: Mom, can you drop me off at the mall this week after school to job hunt? Dad could pick me up. Oh! We'll use Friday's schedule! Hold on. Let me show you.

Mike: What day can you pick her up from the mall?
Frankie: Oh, I said we'll figure something out... I meant you.
Mike: What is it with kids always wanting stuff? Brick's the only one who's not bugging us lately.
Frankie: I know, right? I mean, his transition to middle school has been oddly hassle-free. I thought for sure we'd have gotten "the call" by now. [phone rings]
Mike: Don't answer it.
Frankie: [answers phone] Hello? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's "the call."

Frankie: [v.o.] So, Axl, in a desperate moment, did something he'd never done before he took his parents' advice.
Axl: [to Kenny] Whoa! Nice shot! You've got some mad skills. [chuckles] Hey. So, before you destroy another civilization, I was thinking maybe we could, uh, you know, chat a little. I mean, what's the use of getting randomly assigned to a guy if you can't get to know him, am I right? Okay. Oh! Here's an idea... what do you say we, uh, clean this place up a little, hmm? I'll get it started. Okay. Huh. Well, I believe these bad boys are yours. [picks up white underpants with a bat] So, why don't I just start a pile for you? There we go. Uh, hey! You done with this old dental floss, or... Yuck. Yeah. Ew. On second thought... It's getting pretty late. I think I'm gonna catch some Z's. Whoo! Hey. You seen my pillow anywhere, or... Oh. You're sitting on it. [chuckles] Uh... if I could just... That's cool. I'll just ball up some of these old, dirty clothes instead. [computer game flashes and sounds]

Frankie: I can't believe this. I cannot believe that Principal had the nerve to call us in and treat us like that!
Mike: I told you not to answer the phone.
Frankie: Enough is enough! That place is a big, bungling bureaucracy, and somebody needs to call them on it! We're going back in there.
Mike: Aw, come on! We're not "go back in" people. We're "barely show up in the first place" people.
Frankie: I'm serious, Mike. I am sick of that school. They're falsely accusing Brick, they had no idea who Sue was, and God knows what they did to Axl. They made us feel like bad parents, and we are not bad parents.
Sue: Should I describe myself as loyal-
Frankie: Not now, Sue!

Sue: You are not gonna believe this! I got an interview!
Frankie & Mike: Hey!
Sue: The Assistant Manager at Spudsy Malone's wants to meet me in the mall on the bench by the sunglasses kiosk next to the plant. He said he wants to meet me at 3:00 to 3:15, so I think it's pretty serious.

Axl: I couldn't spend another minute with my nightmare of a roommate, so I drove home last night and slept in my bed.
Brick: I thought I saw a strange man standing in my room.
Frankie: Axl, you can't just come home anytime you want. And, Brick, in the future, if you see a strange man in your room, you should probably scream or run.
Mike: Or both.

Axl: So, I tried to use your stupid advice, which, of course, didn't work, so I had no other options. I mean, eventually, I'll meet a hot chick with a sweet room I can shack up with, but this guy is really starting to affect my studies. I mean, don't you want me to do good at school?
Mike: Yeah, we want you to do good at school. You're not sleeping and showering here. Your hot water is up there, your electricity's up there, your food's up there. Basically, everything's up there except you.
Axl: Oh, my God. I can't believe this! Unh! I thought you guys would miss me! I'm your firstborn son! [starts grabbing food and kitchen utensils] I thought when I came home, there'd be a big parade, you'd throw your arms around me, be thrilled that I'm back, but no! [grabs the blender] I come here for a little love and support, and I get nothing! You guys are so selfish! Well, guess what I'm out of here. So, take a good look, 'cause the Ax-Man is leaving! [struggles to open the door] Can somebody get the door? [Sue opens the door] Now slam it!

Frankie: Okay, I think I finally have the e-mail I'm gonna send to the Principal.
Mike: I thought you finally had it last night at 11:00... and 1:00 and 2:30.
Frankie: How's this sound? "Dear Principal Barker, my husband and I would like the opportunity to meet with you at your earliest convenience."
Mike: Agh. Why do we have to go back in there? Can't you just call her?
Frankie: Think about it, Mike. How many times do we get the chance to go to a school meeting where we're actually right? Trust me. This is something we're gonna want to do in person. "I think you'll be very interested in what we have to say." Notice I'm not telling her what we're mad about. I don't want to give her a chance to load up her argument. "We know you have 425 students to deal with, but we hope you have time to deal with our one." See? I threw her own words back in her face. Ba-bam!
Mike: Why are you so angry?
Frankie: So many reasons.