Frankie: Oh, shoot. I'm all out of roof.
Mike: Pace yourself. You've been hitting that house a little hard.
Frankie: I need comfort food. Our son doesn't want to go to church. What did we do wrong?
Mike: We didn't do anything wrong. He's older now. He's starting to think for himself.
Frankie: What is this "think for himself" crap? Did you put that in his head?
Mike: You're spitting gingerman.
Frankie: You're the one that was always saying, "We gotta bring the hammer down." Well, now it's time for you to bring the hammer down and bring it down hard.
Mike: He's an adult. You can't tell an adult what to do.
Frankie: [scoffs] Like hell I can't. I'm telling you what to do right now. I want you to bring that hammer down. Yeah. That's right. I'm looking at you. I don't care how tall you are. You don't scare me. You're gonna do what I say and get your boy to church.
Mike: Frankie, who am I to force him? I don't even know how much I believe. I basically just go for you.

Axl: What am I looking at?
Sue: A miracle. There is no scientific reason why a plant would be growing from the laundry-room floor.
Axl: Yes, there is... Mom doesn't clean. Now, if she cleaned, that would be a miracle. Come get me when that happens. [jumps up and steps on the plant]

Frankie: Hmm. Think about it, Axl. Of all the people trying for this job, you got it. Something to be thankful for...
like a blessing.
Sue: [o.s.] Or a miracle!
Frankie: I got this, Sue!

Axl: Why can't you just have a normal, healthy dialogue about this? I mean, come on. Why do you go to church?
Frankie: A million reasons.
Axl: I'm asking for one.
Frankie: Uh 'cause I'm supposed to. Duh!
Axl: Yeah. You're supposed to go to Curves, but you don't do that.
Frankie: Stop using my Curves example against me. Um, okay, I also go 'cause church is social, and I get to see my friends. What else? Uh, there's doughnuts after. I get to dress up. I already said you're supposed to, right? Singing! I get to sing.
Axl: Mm. Yeah, I mean, these are all surfacy reasons. Come on. What's the real, deep-down reason you go to church?

Frankie: What's happening? Oh, my God! You're freezing!
Mike: Shh. Warm me up.
Frankie: Oh, get away from me!
Mike: Just let me put my hands between your thighs. I'm not interested in anything. I promise.
Frankie: I finally fell asleep after my head was spinning over Axl, and now I'm awake. Thanks a lot.
Mike: They got us again, Frankie.

Mike: You tell me you have faith, right? You're a person who believes?
Frankie: [sighs] Yes.
Mike: Okay. Then... you should believe that whatever happens is maybe the way God wants it to work out.
Frankie: You're right. You're right. I mean, at a certain point, it's out of my hands, and... and all I can do is have faith that when we go to church tomorrow night... Axl will be with us. [sighs] Thanks. That helps.
Mike: You're welcome. Now I need you to help me. I'm gonna put my feet on your feet. It's gonna be bad for about 10 seconds, but then you're gonna start to breathe again, and everything's gonna be fine. Just have faith.

Frankie: Sue, the Donahues are here. You need to bring out your Yankee Swap gift.
Sue: Okay. [gasps] Oh, no! Ohh, I stopped by the apartment yesterday after I bought my gift... I must have left it there.
Frankie: Well, you need to find something that's Christmasy. Oh! How about the snow globe?
Sue: My snow globe?
Frankie: You found it in the trash, Sue.
Sue: I like to think it found me.
Frankie: Okay, well, whatever, but ticktock. We're starting.

Frankie: Okay, okay, okay. We drew numbers. You're 5. Sean's about to pick. He's number one.
Nancy: Ooh! Uh, yeah, he is. Number-one son/almost-doctor. Whoo! Who should I see about a martini refill?

Sean: All-in-one tool.
Frankie: Oh! Who bought that?
Mike: I did.
Frankie: It's supposed to be Christmasy.
Mike: It's red.
Ron: I like it. And I'm number three, so...
Brick: I'm in upside-down land.
Frankie: Things are getting exciting!
Mike: Are they?

Mike: Glossners.
Ron: I hate those kids! You should see what they did to my Mrs. Claus.
Mike: I'll get the front. You get the back.
Ron: That's what they did to Mrs. Claus!