Axl: I can't believe this. Not a single customer? No one is biting.
Sean: Maybe they don't get it.
Darrin: I told you we should have spelled out "Very Important People."
Axl: Oh, hey. Excuse me, sir. How would you like the VIP experience?
Old Hoosier: Well, now, why would I want that?
Axl: Well, 'cause it's a way to experience the parade in unparalleled style and comfort.
Old Hoosier: Oh, I wouldn't want folks thinking I'm fancy.
Darrin: Can we get your e-mail address for future events?

Darrin: VIP seating right over there. Eat tiny sandwiches. Be better than your neighbors. Seats going fast.

Mike: [over walkie-talkie] What do you mean you're trying? Just open your mouth and tell me which way to turn.
Frankie: A piece of grass has fallen down, and I can't see where I'm going.
Mike: Well, move it.
Frankie: I'm trying, but my back is cramping.
Mike: What are you complaining about? You're three feet tall. Just scooch forward.
Frankie: Oh, yeah, says the guy in the back with all the legroom.
Mike: Oh, yeah! It's a big party back here. Oh, you had to get us out of our comfort zone. We're old, Frankie. There is no comfort zone! Everything's uncomfortable. Everything hurts.

Frankie: Yeah, if you didn't wuss out at the last minute, we would be in Chicago right now.
Mike: Save it. You were practically crying last night how happy you are here.
Frankie: Last night, I wasn't stuffed inside a cow. I am never drinking another Margarita again.
Mike: You don't mean that.

Nancy: Has anyone seen Ron Cougar Mellencamp? Does anyone have eyes on Ron Cougar Mellencamp?!

Frankie: [v.o.] So, the Orsontennial didn't go exactly as planned. But when I really think about it, I'm glad we never made it to Chicago because there, when a cow catches on fire, the whole city burns down. But not here. That's what's great about living in a town like this. It's like Ron Cougar Mellencamp says.
Ron Cougar Mellencamp: [sings] I was born in a teeny place And I live in a teeny place Probably die in a teeny place Oh, those teeny-weeny communities All my friends are so teeny-weeny My parents live in the same teeny town My job is so teeny-weeny Provides little oppor-teeny-ty Hey!
Frankie: [v.o.] You know, I think we just might end up spending the rest of our lives here in Orson. Why not?

Frankie: Hey, Nancy. Great speech. Listen, we don't think we should be driving a float in the parade.
Nancy: What? Why?
Frankie: Well, it's just that when we signed up, we were...
Mike: Drunk.
Frankie: Yeah. We weren't quite operating with all our faculties, or, obviously, we wouldn't have volunteered.
Nancy: But you two have been assigned the Orson cow float. It's a huge honor. Plus, you did ask for it.
Frankie: We did?
[flashback:]
Nancy: You want something simple?
Frankie: [slurred] No way, Lady Liberty. We want the biggest float you got! [burns hand on sparkler] Ow!
[present:]
Bill: Oh, man. You guys get to drive the cow? That's only the best float in the whole parade. Lucky ducks.
Frankie: [v.o.] And that's when we realized 100 years is a big deal, and we should be doing our part. Plus, Nancy brought brownies the kind that are melted on the inside, but the crust stays sort of hard. It's like they're done, but they're not done. What can I say? The woman knows what she's doing.

Frankie: [v.o.] Poor Sue. For weeks, she'd been trying to get over Darrin. I mean, he had a new girlfriend. So, she decided if this angel person was right for him, she would move on. But she had to find out.
Angel: Hey. You're... Sue, right? You're a friend of Darrin's.
Sue: Yep. That's me. Friend of Darrin's. FOD.
Angel: I'm so glad you're here. I've secretly been dying to get my hands on your hair.
Sue: Oh, cool. Thanks. Yeah, I'm just looking for more of a style for the Orsontennial.
Angel: Yeah, you really need one.
Sue: So, how long have you and Darrin been seeing each other?
Angel: Oh, just a couple months.
Sue: That's cool. So, like, what do you like about him?
Angel: Oh, you know, he's hot.
Sue: Right. Anything else?
Angel: I like his arms.
Sue: Mm-hmm. That would sort of fall under the "Hot" category. So...
Angel: His neck. He's got a sexy neck. And his stomach...
Sue: Mm. Okay. We don't have to go through every body part. Is there anything else you like about Darrin?
Angel: Uh...

Frankie: You know, I never thought I'd be excited about sleeping out in the street, but this is kind of fun.
Mike: How do you figure?
Frankie: Oh, come on. It's good for us to get out of our comfort zone once in a while. And it's nice to be giving back. I mean, think about how much this town has done for us.
Mike: Yeah. Well, after this, we're even.

Nancy: [air horn blows] Rise and shine! Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey! Happy 100th. Here's your walkies. It's showtime!
Frankie: Wait, why do we need walkie-talkies?
Nancy: 'Cause you have to communicate. Frankie, you're his eyes and ears. He can't see a thing back there. Now climb into your cow, and let's do this. [air horn blows]