Axl: Hey, Dad, can I watch the Super Bowl countdown with you? Oh! I forgot. This is suck town! Chopped down by the ax man! Timber! [chuckles]
Mike: That's fine. I'm watching with Brick.
Axl: Ha. That's hilarious.
Mike: So, Brick, what do you think is the key to tomorrow's game?
Brick: One word... turnovers. And not just 'cause it's three syllables.
Mike: Hmm.
Axl: Okay.
Mike: Turnovers are the key to win. A lot of people don't recognize that. You got that right away. Excellent.
Axl: Bye.
Brick: By the way, Dad, did you know that blue shirt you wear... With the numbers is for a team from Indianapolis? They're called the Colts.

Bob: Ooh. Nice briefcase.
Frankie: Thanks. It's from Brick's old Halloween costume. Sue went as an Oscar, so she made Brick go as a guy from Price Waterhouse.

Frankie: So, Mr. Ehlert... about the seminar that we are going to... Really honored that you picked me... For the seminar that we're going to. I just hope we're not late for that session on...
Mr. Ehlert: come on, Frances. You're a smart woman. You know there's no seminar.
Frankie: Oh, no. Okay, I just want to remind you, Mr. Ehlert, that my husband is quite tall, and he gets very jealous.
Mr. Ehlert: Oh, jeez. Get over yourself. If I wanted to cheat on my wife, I'd go to a big city and do it with an ethnic gal. You're taking me to my colonoscopy.
Frankie: Wait. Your what now?
Mr. Ehlert: My colonoscopy. There's only two doctors who do 'em in Orson, and I sold both of 'em lemons, so I gotta get it done in Indy.
Frankie: Hold on. But what about the seminar? I mean, I read up on variable rate auto loans. And I thought you saw potential in me.
Mr. Ehlert: I do. Potential to drive me back tonight. I'll be under a light anesthesia.
Frankie: So you lied to me? All of this is just a big lie to get me to drive you to your colonoscopy?
Mr. Ehlert: Oh, stop whining, Frances. I couldn't let the other guys know about this. I need them to respect me.
Frankie: What about my respect?!
Mr. Ehlert: Not following you. Now be a good girl and rub my shoulders. I get very tense when I drive.

Brick: Most people think the Colts lost last year because Peyton Manning threw that pick-6, but really it's because they couldn't defend against Pierre Thomas on critical downs.
Mike: I just realized this is the longest conversation we've had that wasn't about something you accidentally swallowed.
Brick: Hmm. I guess you're right.
Mike: See, and the great part is, you can talk about this stuff with any guy.

Frankie: [v.o.] I don't know exactly which level of hell it is where you're forced to see your boss in a hospital gown, but it's pretty far down there. Thankfully, we were in the home stretch, and this nightmare was almost over.
Nurse: And have you eaten any solid food in the past 12 hours?
Mr. Ehlert: Uh, no.
Frankie: Yeah, right. He was hitting drive-thrus like he was in a contest.
Nurse: Well, we can't do the procedure if he ate. We're gonna have to reschedule for tomorrow morning.
Frankie: Tomorrow? No, no, no. What are you saying? That we're supposed to drive all the way back to Orson and then come back in the morning?
Mr. Ehlert: Simmer down, Frances. I'm not about to inconvenience you.
[cut to Frankie trying to sleep on the RV's couch]

Brad: We'll be competing here in 24 hours. I want you to feel the space. Sense the flow. Be the flow. Now quick, allemande left! [Sue groans] No, Sue, that's your right. Your right!
Sue: I'm sorry.
Brad: What's going on with you? We have to perform tomorrow, and you still don't get it.
Sue: Maybe I'm just not a dancer.
Brad: I know, but I am, or... I'm supposed to be. This is pretty much all I've got.
Sue: What do u mean?
Brad: I'm not an athlete like you, Sue.
Sue: But you have so many friends... Genny, Claire, Bella, Carly. And you're good at everything... cooking, tapping, creating centerpieces out of everyday objects.
Brad: But those skills aren't always appreciated in junior high. Sometimes people make fun of those things.
Sue: Brad, if you could win Square Dancing with the Stars, you would not be made fun of ever again.
Brad: Sue, we're not gonna win. Maybe I should just stay home tomorrow and watch that thing that's on TV with my dad.

Sue: We can't win, but you can. During our freestyle solo, I'll stand still, and you dance around me.
Brad: You think that would work?
Sue: I may not be able to dance, but there's one thing I can do really well, and that's stand perfectly still. It's why I've never been stung by a bee.

Frankie: [v.o.] So while I spent the next day continuing my descent into the inferno, Mike was in man heaven.
Guys: [chant] Super Bowl! Super Bowl! Super Bowl!
Brick: Did you know that Super Bowl XII was thee first Super Bowl played in a domed stadium?
Bill: This the same kid who used to rub ketchup packets?
Mike: Oh, he still does that, but what do I care when he can tell me who invented the nickel defense?
Brick: Jerry Williams.
Mike: That's my boy!

Jim: You're missing the coin toss. Heads! Yes!
Brick: Did you know, the majority of teams who won the coin toss lost the game?
Jim: I don't want to hear that right now.
Brick: The odds of the team winning the coin toss and then winning the Super Bowl are 1 in 2.15. Of course, if you mean calling and winning the toss, the odds are...

Frankie: [v.o.] It's true, what they say. The Super Bowl is the most emotional time for men, but I was having an R.V. full of emotions myself.
Mr. Ehlert: Look, I know this whole quitting thing was just a little lady drama, and, uh, maybe it's the oxy talking, but, uh, I'm willing to forget about it, because, uh, well, you've got me in a little pickle here. 'Cause I was gonna threaten to fire you if you ever said anything about this, but now I can't... So, uh, how about you come back, and instead of 5% commission, I give you 5 1/2 to keep your mouth shut?
Frankie: You know, Mr. Ehlert, I don't care how rich you are. I'm not gonna let you keep treating me this way. I'm someone you can't buy, not for a lousy 5 1/2%. Even 6% would be a massive insult. 7%... I'm still hating you. Nine might almost forgive missing the Super Bowl with my husband. 20% and I'm listening.
Mr. Ehlert: 9.
Frankie: Deal.
Mr. Ehlert: Hell, you don't need no seminar.