Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Axl: No, no, no, no, no. That doesn't make sense. What about Cinco de Mayo?
Mike: What?
Axl: Well, cinco is six in Spanish, so May is the sixth month. I know 'cause that's how I remember.
Mike: Cinco is not six.
Axl: Uno, dos, tres, quatro, siete, cinco...
Mike: I don't care what it is in Spanish! The fifth month is May.
Axl: January, February... No, wait. 30 days has September...
Mike: It's May.
Axl: Just let me tell you my system!
Mike: Let me tell you my system! It's May! Your first day of work is in four days!
Axl: Really?
Frankie: What?!
Mike: Yeah, really. So, stop standing there like Bobo the Executive Boy, put some pants on, and start packing.

Mike: Frankie, I gotta tell ya, I'm shocked. You're handling this really well.
Frankie: Am I? Am I? You think I want to be up to my knees in dead fruit, trying to make it easier for my son to move away from us? I do not, but I have to. And do you know why? 'Cause boys want to get away from their moms. Right now, when he's living here, he has to see me, but the minute he moves away, he holds all the cards. If I get too clingy or too naggy, you think he's gonna want to come back for the holidays or pick up the phone when I call? No. I gotta be cool. It's like a freakin' Miss America pageant, and I am being judged at every turn. One wobble, one misstep, and I am out. My son decides to move halfway across the country, can I complain? No. I gotta just glue that bathing suit to my ass, slap that Vaseline on my teeth, and smile, smile, smile. [Axl returns] Hey! There he is. Ooh, looks like you scored some winners there. You know what? We did so well today. Why don't we celebrate? How about we grab a brewski at Goobers on the way back?
Axl: Really? You want to get a drink in the middle of the afternoon?
Frankie: Uh, yeah, I do! I'm cool. I'm way cooler than you think I am.

Brick: Wait. You went to Dairy Queen without me?
Axl: We went to a buttload of places without you. You were born last. We had, like, a whole life without you.
Sue: Yeah, we did, Brick. But I'm still glad you came along.
Brick: Really? You are? I always heard it was hard being the middle child.
Sue: Are you kidding me? I love it. I always felt lucky in the middle because I get to have an older brother and a younger brother. I get to be a big sister and a little sister. The middle is the safest place to be. You got love on both sides of you.
Brick: Hey, if you'd like that feeling tomorrow, I hear the middle seat has just recently become available.
Sue: Oh, nice try, Brick.
Brick: Huh. I guess Mom and Dad knew what they were doing after all. Axl had Sue, Sue had me, and I had a whole family waiting for me when the Fergusons finally brought me home. I guess three's a good number.
Axl: Yep. Three just feels right. It's all that fits in the back seat.
Sue: I think I just had my moment.