Axl Quote #811

Quote from Axl in While You Were Sleeping

Axl: Now, what you want is eye-level placement. That's your premium shelf.
Brick: Huh. I'm gonna turn these bottles around so that way, people can't read the labels.
Axl: Now you're getting it, Brick.
Brick: Yeah.
Manager: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Axl: Hi, I'm Axl Heck. We just happen to have the best barbecue sauce money can buy, and we have chosen the Frugal Hoosier as the flagship provider for our launch of Heck Brothers Old-timey Barbecue sauce. We sold 11 jars of the stuff at the swap meet, so you know it's good.
Manager: Yeah, I don't know what you think you're doing, but there is a process to getting your food on the shelves. Is this stuff even FDA approved?
Axl: I'm sorry. I thought this was America.
Brick: Darn tootin'.


Features in the collection: The Frugal Hoosier.

‘The Frugal Hoosier’

Quote from Frankie in Ovary and Out

Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Quote from Axl in Role of a Lifetime

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

 ‘While You Were Sleeping’ Quotes

Quote from Axl

Axl: We sold 20 jars of this barbecue sauce, so if that's not a sign I should drop out of college, I don't know what is.
Mike: Yeah, well... [turns the stove off] Take this is a sign that that's not happening.
Axl: What...
Mike: Heck Brothers are done.
Axl: If Paul Newman had you for a dad, he never would have invented salad dressing, and no one would know who he is. Dream squasher!

Quote from Axl

Mike: Okay, Axl, you've wasted enough time on this. Don't you have some schoolwork you should be doing?
Axl: How should I know? I haven't been to class. [scoffs]
Mike: What?
Axl: Dad, this is more important than any class. At a certain point, a person learns all they need to know, and classes just get in the way. As a matter of fact, I might not even be going back to college in the fall.
Mike: Oh, you'll be going back to college a lot sooner than the fall. You're going tomorrow.
Axl: Come on, think about all the people who dropped out of college and made it big. Mark Zuckerberg...
Brick: Mm-hmm.
Axl: Bill Gates, Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Mike: There's a lot of highway between a computer that changes the world and barbecue sauce in a bag.

 Axl Heck Quotes

Quote from Bat Out of Heck

Mike: What's your problem?
Axl: You're still treating me like a kid! I don't need you to tell me how to do things anymore. You're telling me all the time. You're making me nuts. And I know I'm the younger lion and I'm challenging you and we're supposed to "lock horns"...
Mike: Lions don't have horns.
Axl: You don't need to tell me that lions don't have horns!
Mike: Well, you just said...
Axl: I know lions don't have horns. I just want to drive my own car.
Mike: Look, I'm older than you. I know you think you know best, but there's still a lot more you have to learn, and it's my job to teach you. It's been my job your whole life!
Axl: Okay, so, is that how it's gonna be, like, forever? 'Cause you'll always be older than me, and Grandpa Big Mike will always be older than you, and there's a guy in Jasper who's like 103. He'll always be older than all of us. Maybe he should drive us home.

Quote from The Graduate

Axl: Hello, summer! Goodbye, pants. I will see you in September.