Sue: "Use your left turn signal to indicate your intention to turn left." [chuckles] Wait. What if I have to turn right? "Use your right turn signal to indicate your intention to turn right."

Sue: Matt, stop. There's something I need to tell you.
Matt: Coach says I gotta sweat out 2 pounds, but there's always time for you. What's up?
Sue: Wait. I want this moment to be perfect. Come down four steps. Okay. Uh, I'll go down a step, and you come up two steps. Okay. Perfect. Okay. Here goes. Matt, here's the thing. I love you.
Matt: Uh... okay. [awkward silence]
Sue: Well, that's it. [chuckles] Gotta go catch the late bus. Bye.

Frankie: Hey, Mike. Guess who's gonna be in the stadium on game day?
Mike: Not the Colts, so I don't want to hear about it.
Frankie: Hey, guys. I'm gonna be a stadium hospitality liaison. How cool is that?
Axl: It sounds kinda lame.
Sue: I can't talk right now.
Brick: I'm hungry.
Frankie: Really? After all the stuff I pretend to be happy about for you, you can't just fake it up for me just this once?

Frankie: [v.o.] And it's amazing how having one nice thing actually made us a better family. We were more compassionate.
Sue: Thanks for taking me to get ice cream, mom.
Frankie: Fudge heals all wounds.
Frankie: [v.o.] We were more considerate.
[When the car phone ring as Axl drives with Brick in the backseat, Brick pulls his hoodie up over his ears]
Axl: No, Brick, it's cool. You're mature enough to hear this stuff now. [answers phone] Go for Ax-man.
Frankie: [v.o.] We were in better moods.
Mike: [kisses Frankie on his way out] Wake me in an hour.

Frankie: You know, it's been forever since we've eaten together as a family. It's nice.
Mike: Real nice. Biscuit me.
Frankie: Mm. Everybody okay back there?
Axl: Can you make it a bit warmer?
Brick: I'd like it a skosh cooler.
Sue: [sighs]
Frankie: Oh, come on, Sue. Cheer up.
Sue: I can't.
Frankie: Oh, honey, I know you're hurting, but you and Matt were only together for a few weeks. You gotta move on. Here. You love butter batter nuggets.
Sue: Better not tell them.
Frankie: Oh, come on, Sue. [sings] Just what made that little old ant Think he could move a rubber tree plant? [talks] Come on, everybody. We're cheering up Sue.
All: [sing] Everyone knows an ant Can't Move a rubber tree plant But he's got, 'cause he's got High hopes...

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep. We'd officially become the Donahues. I know. It was disgusting. [car phone rings]
All: [sing] High, apple pie in the sky hopes So when the job is getting rough so when you [Frankie answers the car phone] Hello?
Nancy: Hi, Frankie. It's Nancy.
All: [sing] Things are getting rough Just remember
Frankie: Shh. Shh. Hi, Nancy! Yeah, we're just sitting down at dinner and watching some TV in our house.
Nancy: Sorry to bother you. Y-you're not gonna believe this. Shelly and Dotty both caught a stomach bug.
Frankie: Oh, that's too bad. Are they okay?
Nancy: Yeah, but we're not gonna get to see the game. Such a bummer. We gave our tickets to the lady who cleaned our hotel room. Made her day. Anyway, we're heading home early, and I was wondering if I could stop by and pick up our mail. We'll be back in about... oh... 20 minutes.
[As Mike floors the car, everybody's food and drink flies forward and covers the windshield]

[When Frankie opens the trunk of the Donahues' car, it is filled with books]
Frankie: Brick!
Brick: What? It can hold my entire library.
Frankie: Damn this roomy trunk. Grab some books and start chucking!

Matt: Mr. Heck, it's imperative I speak with daughter, but she's gone radio silence on me.
Mike: Here's the deal, Matt. We stole a car, and it's imperative that we clean it, so if you want to join this family, which I don't know why you would, grab a rag.

Brick: Mom, are we gonna tell the Donahues what we did?
Frankie: No, Brick.
Brick: But isn't not telling them the same as lying?
Frankie: It's not lying because we've told each other. We've self-punished, which is the most important kind of punishment...
Brick: Hmm.
Frankie: So keep your mouth shut and scrape the goo off the back window!

[After Matt sits down in the Donahues' car, Sue tries to open her door.]
Matt: Not until you hear me out. [holds up the keys] I know how I reacted the other day really hurt your feelings. You see, I spent my whole life training every muscle in my 98-pound body to never be caught off guard, so when you...
Mike: Why is this door locked? Open the door. Open it! Open the door!
Axl: Sue! Open the door!
Matt: And I had this whole big plan to tell you how I felt about you...
Mike: Open the door. Open the door!
Matt: But then you ambushed me in the stairwell with that reverse crossface into an undercup. I left my most important muscle off guard, so even though I was feeling the exact same way...
Mike: What's the deal?
Matt: I was planning to tell you those three special words on Valentine's day...
Axl: Come on.
Matt: But no need to wait anymore.
[As Sue and Matt kiss, Mike turns the hose on them and washes the closed window]