Brick: Dad, we didn't leave Uncle Rusty, did we? 'Cause as someone who's been left behind on more than one occasion, it's not a good feeling.
Mike: No, I told him we were leaving. He's meeting some guy in Chicago about the... shower curtains. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm fine he's not here. You know, you didn't have to do what he asked.
Brick: But he needed the money. And don't you always say you're supposed to do for family?
Mike: No, your mom says that.
Brick: Either way. I was happy to do it. I didn't really care that much about the spelling bee. I don't think I'm a super competitive person. Besides, I thought it was classic Uncle Rusty.
Mike: What does that mean?
Brick: You know, like, when he made you take that test for him or when he sold all your clothes. This could be one of those really funny Uncle Rusty stories that we tell years from now and laugh.
Mike: Hmm. Maybe. In 10 years.
Brick: Or two.
Mike: Okay. I get to tell your mom when we get home.

Frankie: [v.o.] So it ended up being a great weekend for the Hecks. Sue won a trip to Disney World. I earned my son's respect. And whether I was right or wrong, Rusty ended up making enough money off the spelling-bee to move out of our house and and into the Orson Palms.
Rusty: Hey, I, uh, appreciate you for putting me out, so, I got you a gift. It's your favorite team. [chuckles]
Mike: Thanks. Stay out of trouble.
Rusty: Ha. Oh, sure. You know me.
Mike: Yeah. I know you.
Frankie: [v.o.] And who is to say? Maybe Rusty was getting his life together. Maybe the shower curtain thing could turn up to really be something.
[As Mike showers behind the "Indianapolis Cots" shower curtain, the blue ink starts to run]

Axl: Done! Last final over! Oh! Br-r-r! My brain hurts so much. Kenny, wake me in 20 so I can get my party on. Whoo!
[Axl collapses face-first on his bed. When he wakes up some time later, Kenny and his belongings are gone.]
Axl: Whoa. How long did I sleep?
Julian: [enters] All right, I'm here for your room check.
Axl: [groans] Yeah, whatever, Julia.
Julian: It's Julian. Shelves - check. Light bulb - check. Where's your desk?
Axl: I don't know. You're the RA. Aren't you supposed to know where stuff is?
Julian: [scoffs] I have many responsibilities, none of which include keeping up with your belongings that have been solely loaned to you for the duration of the rental period. Either find it, or you're not leaving.
Axl: Man, you were so cool at the beginning of year! "Welcome. Let me show you to your room." Whatever happened to that guy?!

Frankie: How the hell do you lose a desk?
Axl: Oh! Mom on the floor! Did anybody see you? Tell me you at least put an old sheet over your head in the elevator.
Frankie: Hey, this is no picnic for me, either. I finally had the house to myself. I was gonna take a bath and maybe light a candle.
Axl: La-la-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
Frankie: Oh. Excuse me. Hello? You're the RA, right? I'm Axl's mom.
Axl: Do you have to tell everybody?
Frankie: Listen, we're sorry about the desk. I'm sure it's not lost. It's just been misplaced. [laughs] He has the same problem at home. So if you could just check us out, we would really appreciate it.
Julian: Oh, sure, he can check out whenever he wants.
Frankie: [sighs] Thank you. See? Simple. That's how you get it done.
Julian: Of course, I will be keeping your $200 deposit.

Mike: And then your Uncle Rusty climbs out the window during a test and climbs into the window of my class so he can have me take the test for him.
Rusty: [laughs] And I got an A, too.
Mike: You mean I got an A. But that is nothing compared to...
Both: the Kimberlys!
Mike: Now, don't tell your mom I'm telling you this story. [chuckles] Classic Uncle Rusty. He tells me there's these sisters. Well, it turns out one of them... had been to prison.

Frankie: See? Here it is. We'll just take that deposit and be out of your way.
Julian: Uh-huh. And you wouldn't just drag in a desk from the room across the hall, would you?
Frankie: No.
Julian: Really? 'Cause there might be a number under each desk that matches the room it belongs to, so I could easily find out.
Frankie: I think you're bluffing. I don't think there really is a number.
Julian: You don't? Well, maybe I'll go under that desk right now and see.
Frankie: [bends down] Nope. No number. No need for you to check. I'm a parent.
Julian: Room 306. Take it back.
Frankie: [sighs] Narc.

Mike: I told you. This is Brick's year. Look at him up there. He's got the eye of the tiger.
Announcer: Your word is... succedaneum.
Mike: We got this. He knows this one.
Rusty: He does? He does?
Brick: Succedaneum... S-U-C-C-E-D... [Rusty gives Brick a thumbs down] ...A-N-I-U-M succedaneum.
Announcer: Ooh, that is incorrect. [bell dings] I'm so sorry. Margaret Arakawa, you're our new champion and will be moving on to nationals in Washington DC.

Mike: Hey. What the hell is going on? How do you do this and my kid misses a word I know he knows?
Rusty: Oh, I ran into Brick in the bathroom, told him maybe it wasn't his night. [clicks tongue]
Mike: Are you kidding? You had my kid throw a spelling bee?
Rusty: Yeah. We're in cahoots. Oh, and I went over a few basics of betting with him. I'm kind of surprised 'cause you're such a great dad, but he didn't seem to know anything about gambling.
Mike: I-I can't believe you would do something like this. What-- y-you're betting on a kids' spelling bee? I thought you were asking all those questions about how it worked because you cared.
Rusty: Oh, I care. I had 600 reasons to care. [chuckles] Slow down there, slim. You'll get your cut.
Mike: I don't want my cut. I wanted Brick to win. Do you not get that? You know what? Forget it. It's like talking to a wall.

Mr. Ehlert: All right, we're down to the final two. Let's get this thing moving. Up on one foot, girls.
Woman: [to Sue] Surprise! I'm a yoga instructor.

Mike: How's she doing? Whoa. What happened to you?
Frankie: College. How'd it go with Brick?
Mike: Second place.
Frankie: Oh, sorry. I'm sure you tried your best.
Mike: He didn't. It's a long story. I'll tell you later.