Sue: Brad! What are you doing here? You know how much I want this. There is no way I can beat you and your amazing tap legs.
Brad: Sue, if I win the car... pause to deliver dramatic line... I'm giving it to you!
Sue: What?! Are you serious?
Brad: I already have my Miata. You deserve to know the freedom a great set of wheels can bring. Sue, I will stand here until they drag my skeleton body away if that's what it takes to win my best friend in the whole world this car. [insect buzzing] Oh! Bee! Bee! Bee!
Mr. Ehlert: There's one down.

Frankie: [v.o.] Mike tends to define his life in seasons: football season, baseball season, and for a brief window in May, spelling season.
Brick: ...O-U-S. Parsimonious.
Mike: Yes!
Frankie: Looking good, guys. I can't believe you're really hitting the bee circuit again after what happened last time and the time before.
Mike: Hey, those were building years. Brick is older and stronger now.
Brick: Plus, since I made it to regionals, they let me out of gym to study.
Mike: We're still working on his killer instinct.

Mike: Rusty tells me he's been sleeping in his car.
Frankie: What? Oh, come on, that's crazy. Why aren't you staying with your dad? Doesn't he have like 50 couches?
Rusty: Oh, no, I-I don't want to be some divorced loser living with his dad. I thought I'd just pitch a tent in your backyard and wash off in your pool.
Mike: Rusty, we can't let you do that. You're staying with us.
Rusty: Oh, I don't want to be a bother.
Frankie: [v.o.] He was.

Mike: Hey, you're the one who made me let him stay. You shot me that look, and you made me feel guilty.
Frankie: The look that said, "Help, we can't let your brother come and stay with us"? God, you don't know my looks at all.
Mike: [groans] We're in agreement, okay? It's not a great situation, and I look forward to dissecting it to death when I get back, but I can't get into it now. I got to get sleep. Brick and I got to be on the road to Chicago by 7:00.
Frankie: Seriously? That's tomorrow?
Mike: Yeah. Tomorrow's the 12th.
Frankie: Well, what are you gonna do about your brother? You're gonna take him, right?
Mike: Why would I take him?
Frankie: Why would you leave him?
Mike: Why wouldn't I?
Frankie: Because you want to stay married. [Mike is silent] Right back at you.

Rusty: Cop! [bends down]
Mike: You in some kind of trouble, Rusty?
Rusty: Oh, no. Just habit. Hey, look, I found a nickel.
Mike: Mm-hmm.
Rusty: Hey, Mike, do you remember the time when we got nailed for throwing rocks at the cop car?
Mike: He doesn't need to hear about that.
Brick: You threw rocks at a cop car? And yet I get in trouble for inviting those well-dressed people in to talk about religion.
Mike: Look, it was Uncle Rusty's idea, not mine. He wanted to have a snowball fight, but since it was July, he decided to use rocks.
Rusty: [laughs] Yeah. And then I accidentally hit the cop car. Boy, I've never seen this guy run so fast.
Mike: [chuckles] And then the cops showed up at our door.
Rusty: Yeah, and... and you were so tall, you pretended to be my dad. [both laugh] You know, he's always been this tall.
Brick: That's hilarious. Uh, did grandpa Big Mike ever find out?
Mike: Oh, you kidding? We wouldn't be here.
Brick: Hmm.
Mike: Parents were a lot meaner back then.

Sue: Whoo-hoo-hoo! It's a little sunnier than I thought it would be. [chuckles] Whoo. Oh, I see you went with a brand-name sunscreen. [chuckles] My mom bought our sunscreen at a garage sale. But, you know, I can handle a little sunburn. I am so focused, I can hardly even feel it. [insect buzzes] Oh! Bee! Oh, Brad's bee! You guys got to stop leaving half-open cans of pop! It is bringing bees! Oh, it is like The Hunger Games out here. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. [laughs nervously] Oh! [insect buzzes] Damn!

Sue: Are you saying you don't believe in me?
Darrin: No. Look, you're red and puffy and all...
Sue: Oh, well, I am sorry that I don't look pretty while I am trying to win a car. You know what? Forget it. I am done talking to you. I have to stay here, but in my mind, I am storming away!
Darrin: Well, in my mind, I'm chasing you.
Sue: Well, in my mind, I'm too fast, and you can't catch me.
Darrin: Well, in my mind, I caught up, and I'm holding you in my arms, kissing you.
Sue: Well, in my mind, I am enjoying your warm embrace, but I am fighting you off because I don't want to be held right now.
Darrin: Fine! In my mind, I'm giving up and taking off!
Sue: You do realize you can actually do that.
Darrin: I do now. [walks off]

Mike: Okay. But I'm telling you Brick's good, too. We got a real shot this year.
Rusty: Oh, yeah. You know, this, uh, whole spelling-bee thing it's way more exciting than I thought.
Mike: Hmm.
Rusty: I mean, once you've seen a naked showgirl boxing a kangaroo, you think there's no way you're gonna be more entertained than that. But this is a close second.
Mike: Hey, Rusty, I'm glad you tagged along.
Rusty: Oh, me too. Me too, Mike.
Mike: Good.
Rusty: Hey, how much time we got? I'm gonna grab us a couple beers.
Mike: Uh, they don't sell beers at spelling bees, Russ.
Rusty: [scoffs] Well, they could learn a thing or two from the kangaroo box-o-rama, wouldn't you say?

Frankie: [v.o.] When you're economically challenged, your time is worth nothing. So Axl and I split up and spent hours combing the dorm for his crappy desk.
Frankie: [briefly opens door to a dorm room] Sorry. Sorry. Make good choices. [walks into a party] Axl, are you kidding me?! This is you looking for your desk?!
Axl: Okay, I was looking, but Scott's throwing the last rager of the year, and I slept through all the other parties.
Frankie: Well, did you even ask them about your desk? Yeah, sorry to bring the party down, everybody, but we're looking for Axl's desk. It looks like one of these three. Wait. Why are there three in here? 305! This is it!
Scott: Oh, yeah, dude. I borrowed your desk.
Axl: Oh.
Frankie: Sorry to break up the party, but I need to take this desk. [all groaning]
Scott: Whoa! Whoa, whoa! So, I'll make you a deal, mom. Hit the next shotdesk is yours. Otherwise, it's ours for the night.
[The students are stunned as Frankie makes the shot]
Frankie: [to Axl] What do you think I did in college?

Frankie: Good morning. Hey. How'd the desk get here?
Axl: Two big guys carried it down while you rode on top, screaming, "I'm queen of the world!"
Frankie: [groans] I'll understand if you have to transfer out.
Axl: [yawns] Actually... [groans] And, uh, don't get all in my face about it, but... you're kind of less embarrassing than I thought you would be. [sniffles] Very un-mom-like.
Frankie: Really? See? I am a person besides a mom, Axl. And that just goes to show you-
Axl: Oh, okay. You ruined it trying to make a lesson out of it or- Or something. Whatever. Let's just get out of here before anyone sees you.
Frankie: Hey, Julia. Notice anything different? Like the desk, maybe? Go ahead. Check it. [taps on the desk as Julian sticks his head underneath it]
Julian: Real mature.