‘Foreign Exchange’
Season 2, Episode 5 - Aired October 20, 2010
Frankie talks her family into hosting an exchange student from Japan so the kids can get a global experience and be ambassadors for the American way of life.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Mike, I'm serious. We have a real opportunity here. We'll be like ambassadors. Then he goes out in the world and tells people how great it is here. And pretty soon America's popular again. Come on, Mike. I talked you into hummus, and you ended up liking that.
Axl: I'm down, but as long as it's some super-hot girl from Finland... or Sweden. Is there some sort of catalog we can look at?
Frankie: Hey, you get what they give you, just like we did with you guys.
Quote from Sue
Frankie: [v.o.] The day had finally arrived. The house was clean. The kids were clean. I even got Mike to power wash all the cobwebs off the screens. Yeah, I should've done this years ago.
Sue: God, this is so exciting. We're actually in the international section of the airport. Those people over there just got off the plane from Toronto... Canada!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: I'm proud of us, Mike. We're actually gonna change someone's life, and they're gonna change ours. Who knows? Maybe next year we'll be spending Christmas in Japan. They celebrate that, right?
Mike: I hear they got a lot of malls there, so probably.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Takayuki? Hey! You made it! Hi. I don't know if you're a hugger, but you're gettin' one. Oh. Welcome to America. Uh, I'm Frankie. This is Mike... Axl... Brick... [Brick bows] and Sue. We are your family.
Takayuki: Okay.
Frankie: Okay.
Sue: Oh! Can Takayuki sit next to me on the way home?
Brick: No, he's mine. Mom got him for me.
Frankie: Brick, I got him for everybody. Oh! We know you're not a pet.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Oh. Don't think all American girls are Lindsay Lohan. I'm taking an aspirin, 'cause I just got my braces tightened. They're correcting an overbite-crossbite. [chuckles] Do you have braces in Japan?
Brick: Do you read any anime or manga books? I have lots. I'd love to get an actual Japanese person's insight.
Takayuki: No, I do not read them, and, yes, we have braces.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: He's just a shy kid who's only been here for...
All: Five days.
Frankie: That's right. For five days! You can't expect somebody to come halfway around the world and just jump in and become a part of the family. It takes time. You call yourselves ambassadors.
Axl: No, we didn't. You called us that.
Frankie: And I'm sorry I did. Now I am going to the Donahues' to borrow their toaster, because ours is starting to spark, and while I'm there, I want you to think about improving your attitude. I know Takayuki doesn't say how disappointed he is, but his vacant stare speaks volumes.
Sue: Mom. Mom. I threw Axl's pillow on the roof, and now he says he's gonna get revenge, and...
Frankie: Sue, I don't want to hear it. I'm laying down the law! Here's $5. Love your brother.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: You know, I'm tempted to write the agency a letter.
Mike: You won't.
Frankie: Yeah, probably not, but I should. Well, we're just gonna have to get through one more week with him.
[groan]
Frankie: I know. I know. [doorbell rings] Now what? Wait. We can't all leave at the same time. He'll think we were in here talking about him. Wait a few minutes, then come out one at a time. But not the same amount of time, or it'll look like a pattern. Stagger it. [doorbell rings again] But vary it, so the stagger doesn't look like a pattern.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: We're the duds.
Axl: What?
Frankie: That's right. It's not him. It's us. We're a horrible host family.
Mike: Oh, no. Hang on. When you left, we were all in agreement that he's the dud.
Frankie: Yeah, well, he's not. I was talking to Nancy Donahue and she...
Mike: [groans] I swear, I'm building a fence in front of that place!
Frankie: It's total immersion over there, Mike. They have toured Esteban everywhere, and all we've done is work, eat dinner, and sit and watch The Bachelor. No wonder he's so sullen. We haven't done anything fun with him.
Mike: In our defense, we don't do anything fun with our own kids.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: You know what we are? We're lazy. Lazy, lazy ambassadors. [all groan] God, what was I thinking? Breakfast from the toaster. No wonder he just stared at me.
Axl: That's what you give us.
Frankie: Yeah, but you're from here already. Your body's used to junk.
Brick: Actually rice is the main staple of the Japanese breakfast.
Frankie: How long you been sittin' on that one, Brick? Look, we gotta put in some effort, show him a fun time. We need Americana: fall foliage, candle making, old-timey train rides, meat on sticks! We're taking him to Brown County!
Quote from Axl
Sue: Mom, I really have to go.
Mike: The tow truck guy will be here in a couple hours. Says the game's too exciting to leave now.
Sue: No! Oh, my God. It's getting really bad.
Axl: Boo-yah! That's what you get for messing with the ax-man's pillow. Mm!
Sue: What?
Axl: Yeah. Yeah. Remember that aspirin I gave you earlier when your braces hurt? It was one of Mom's Speedy-Lax. Boo-yah!