‘Escape Orson’
Season 8, Episode 10 - Aired January 3, 2017
When the Hecks spend New Year's Day in an escape room, they're not only trying to outrun zombies but also beat the Donahues' record. Meanwhile, Brick is certain the quiet man assigned to play with them is really the author of the Planet Nowhere books, Sue crumbles under her family's expectation that she's always great at games, and Frankie remembers the romantic dream she had the night before.
Quote from Frankie
Milt: The escape-room experience is designed for groups of six, so you'll be paired with this gentleman here... Milt.
Frankie: Oh. Nice to meet you. Just so you know, we're trying to beat 1:08.
Mike: But we've got a secret weapon... our daughter, Sue, here.
Frankie: Any board game or puzzle we play, she always wins. She just has a mind for it. She's so good.
Sue: No, no, no. I'm not.
Frankie: Yes, you are. See? Social contract.
Axl: No, it's true. God gave her that one ability, and then literally nothing else.
Milt: Well, sounds good to me. I'm just here for a little excitement on my lunch hour.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Okay, uh, five, seven, six, two! [puzzle jostling]
Mike: I'm just gonna say it... At this point, is the zombie apocalypse really that bad?
Frankie: Sue, what's going on? You're usually all over this stuff.
Sue: [laughs nervously] Yeah, I know. I am. I usually am. I-I-I think I just ate something bad. Maybe some bad couch chips.
Frankie: Well, we need a plan. Why doesn't this family ever have a plan? We can't just keep trying everything willy-nilly. We're going, like, "Ooh, what's this?" "What's this?" Wait. What was is this?
Sue: Should I ask for a clue? I think I'm gonna ask for a clue.
Frankie: [gasps] Oh, my God! When I look through this red lens at the chart, I see numbers underneath. Try three, one, eight, four.
Sue: W-W-W-Wait... So, if you hold the magnifying glass over the chart, something happens?
Rowdy: [over walkie-talkie] Yes. You use the red glass to decode the numbers. You have used your first clue.
Frankie: Sue, we'd already figured it out! You wasted a clue!
Sue: I'm sorry. I didn't realize my finger was on the button.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [over walkie-talkie] Hi. We'd like our third clue. Hello? Hello?! We're the Hecks in the zombie room.
[Rowdy is asleep in the control room]
Frankie: I don't get it. Where is Rowdy? What is the point of even having a Rowdy if she's not there? Let's go check the other camera.
Quote from Axl
Axl: [sighs] Oh, I can't believe we're gonna blow our one chance in life to beat the Donahues. They're not the Down-ahues, they're the Perfect-hues. They're good at everything, unlike some people who just pretend they're good at stuff when they're not.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Mom, Mom!
Frankie: What do you got?
Brick: David S. Rosenthal loves my sentence! It's inspired me to finish my novel. Which pose do you like for the book jacket... this or this?
Frankie: Not now, Brick. Time's running out. Sue needs quiet.
Quote from Axl
Sue: Okay, okay... Five-letter word... Uh..."Chair"! "Chair"! [levers clacking] Uh, "Table"! No, "Zombies"!
Axl: That's not even five letters. Look, what about that list of patients we found? Dr. I.N. Sane's first patient was Clara. Try that.
Frankie: No, there were 100 names on that list. Just let Sue do this. She's our best chance.
Mike: You got this, Sue.
Axl: Oh, my God! I'm telling you, try "Clara."
Frankie: Axl, shush. I don't want to hear it.
Axl: No one's getting out of here if you don't let me work those levels!
Quote from Brick
Milt: [to Brick] Your family sure does fight a lot.
Sue: [o.s.] Oh, "Orson"!
Brick: Well, at least when we get the door open, you get to leave. I'm stuck with them.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: No! We're not entering 2017 through the fail door. We have done it every year, and I am sick of it.
Axl: Mom, just admit it... we suck.
Mike: No, if anybody sucks, it's Rowdy. We asked for a clue, and she didn't get back to us for at least two minutes.
Axl: Yeah.
Sue: That's true.
Brick: That's not fair.
Mike: [over walkie-talkie] Hey, Rowdy, we want our two minutes.
Rowdy: [over walkie-talkie] I'm meeting my cousin for dinner.
Mike: Look, I may not care about much, I barely care about this, but I know what's right, and so do you, Rowdy! You know you owe us two minutes.
Rowdy: Fine. [all cheer as clock resets to 2:00]
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [laughs] Suck it, Donahu...
All: No!
Frankie: Why does 2017 have it out for us? Why won't this stupid door open? Come on, open!
Sue: W-W-Wait. You see that? O-P-E-N. [bell ringing]
Frankie: Oh, my God! We did it, Hecks... and Milt! Whoo! And check it out!
Axl: We beat the Donahues! [all cheering]
Milt: I don't know who these Donahues are, but we kicked their butts!
Frankie: Yeah, we did!