Axl: [groans] I don't want to talk about it, Brick. We're never mentioning this ever again. No one needs to know I only moved the 'Bago two feet.
Brick: You didn't move it at all.
Axl: You're mean. This isn't fair. Used to be, I was feeling weak, I'd just do a couple of push-ups and get my strength right back, but, my God, what is happening to me? You think it was all those Froot Loop sandwiches? Oh, God. [groans] Froot Loop sandwiches. Don't look at my big butt.
Brick: Axl, get a hold of yourself. I got rescued by my girlfriend, and even I'm embarrassed for you.
Axl: Look, I'm about to graduate. Pretty soon, I'm gonna be sitting at a desk all day doing whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm just gonna decay. I am one step closer to becoming Mom and Dad.

Brick: Hey, there's a silver lining in this. Yes, men peak physically in their mid-20s, but they don't peak mentally till age 35. You're still in the upswing.
Axl: Mental's never really been my strong suit.
Brick: Well, it just so happens I can help you with that.
Axl: Really?
Brick: Yep. By the time I'm done with you, your brain is gonna be ripped. Now, let's start with PBS.
Axl: Ugh. This is gonna be so hard.
Brick: Got to put in the work. [Axl sighs] Oh, and by the way, Michael and Angelo... one guy.
Axl: What?

Mike: I hope it's okay I'm driving you back to school. Mom was gonna, but she's busy, and I got nothing going on.
Sue: It's fine.
Mike: Thank you.
Sue: What?
Mike: You know, for the, uh, whole video thing. That was nice.
Sue: Okay.
Mike: I don't get it. I said, "Thank you," I said, "I'm sorry," I said, "Ice cream," and nothing's sticking. I'm trying, but I'm not getting any traction here. It's like I'm talking to your mom.
Sue: It's all right, Dad. I'm really not that upset. I know that's just how you are.

Brick: Unh-unh, unh-unh. I've been doing a little work on myself. I can get this for m'lady. [Brick struggles to shift Cindy's backpack so he removes a textbook and a notebook] Okay. Actually, that's a little too heavy. [puts the textbook back in Cindy's locker] Yeah. Yeah, I've been doing some lifting.
Cindy: Weights?
Brick: No, books. I started with Jack Lalanne's Live Young Forever, but I'm thinking about upgrading to an encyclopedia or maybe even an almanac.

Frankie: [scoffs] I can't even find the present. How am I supposed to remember why I used to love your dad?

Dylan: Hey, friend. [offers hand]
Brick: [sighs] Hi, Dylan.
Dylan: You're just gonna leave me hanging?
Brick: Do we have to do this every day? I just want to get to class.
Dylan: What are you talking about? I'm just trying to greet my pal with a friendly handshake.
Brick: You know we're not friends.
Dylan: Sure, we are. And what do friends do? They shake hands.
Cindy: [throws down backpack] I'll shake your hand. [grabs Dylan's arm and twists it]
Dylan: Yow!
Cindy: Leave my boyfriend alone.
Dylan: You're a weirdo.

Axl: Okay, got everything you need right here... bench, curls, squats. But our first exercise... notebook toss. Brick, you don't got to be writing it. We're gonna be doing it.
Brick: I thought there was gonna be a learning portion first. I don't need to be a hero.
Axl: There's no danger of that. Now, let me show you what you're aiming for here. Ah. Oof. [spits] Huh? [grunts] [struggles to lift weights] Must be a little rusty. I haven't been training. I kind of shut the gun show down after football ended.

Nancy: [on TV] Mike, I didn't know it was your birthday. You're just full of secrets, aren't you?
Mike: Wait. This isn't just family.
Sue: Nope.
Nancy: [on TV] Well, we're gonna have to have you over for dinner. When's good for you? How's this Tuesday? Ron! Mike's coming over for dinner on Tuesday.
Jim: [on TV] Three words that describe Mike? Only three? Oh, gosh, that's hard. Hero, gentle giant... shoot, that's already three. Can I have one more?
Barber: [on TV] Which Mike? I got five Mikes.
Mike: You talked to my barber?
Sue: [laughing] Yeah.
Barber: [on TV] Tall Mike... got to put the chair all the way down when he comes in.

Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike was positive that Sue was fine, but after having a little time to think it over...
Mike: Sue.
Sue: [o.s.] Yeah?
Mike: Sorry.
Sue: [o.s.] Okay.

Mike: Come on.
Sue: Where are we going?
Mike: Ice cream. Let's go.
Sue: No, thanks.
Mike: My treat. You're gonna want to be there. I'm thinking of ordering something besides vanilla.
Sue: It's all right. I'm not hungry.