Frankie: We have to go talk to Brick's teacher.
Mike: Oh, no. When did we get the call?
Frankie: We didn't yet. But he was already weird today, so it's just a matter of time. So I say, let's get ahead of it and call the meeting before the teacher calls us.
Mike: Why? Why do we gotta go looking for trouble? I'm pretty sure it knows our address.

Frankie: [chasing garbage truck] Oh, no. Wait! Wait! Hold on! Please! You gotta stop! My son's best friend is in there!

Frankie: I thought we could do it, Mike. I really thought we could get ahead of it. But everything just got screwed up.
Mike: Yeah. I never thought we could do it.
Frankie: You didn't?
Mike: No. It's not possible. You can't get ahead of it. You try to plug one leak, and another one just pops up.
Frankie: What are you saying? I should just quit trying?
Mike: Yes, please. That's exactly what I'm saying.
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: Look, you gave it a shot. You had an idea. And you'll wanna remember I was completely supportive. Thing is, Frankie, there are people that have it all together, and everything works out. We're not those people. We don't have a in-ground-pool life. We have an above-ground life.
Frankie: But it seems kind of lazy to just give up.
Mike: Don't think of it as giving up. Think of it as getting ahead of the quitting. Everybody gives up by Christmas anyway. Think of how far ahead we'll be of all those idiots who are still trying.

Sue: Where are my school supplies?
Frankie: Mike, where are the supplies?
Mike: I thought you were gonna steal some from work.
Frankie: I've taken too much. Ehlert is onto me.
Sue: This isn't a good way to start my first year on cross-country.
Mike: We got a bowling pencil. And a paperclip. That's all you need for the first day.

Frankie: Oh, Brick. You left a sandwich in here from last year? That's disgusting. And you got an A on your "I Love Winter" paper. Good job. God, when did I even make egg salad? Oh, it's not egg salad. Ooh, oh, oh.

Sue: Mom, you have to sign these forms.
Frankie: What forms?
Sue: You were supposed to sign them or I won't get my cross-country sweatshirt. If I don't have my cross-country sweatshirt, no one will know I'm on cross-country.
Axl: Why would you want people to know you're on a loser sport like cross-country? [sneezes] It sucks.
Sue: Oh, shut up, Axl. Did you hear what Axl sneezed about cross-country?
Mike: We don't say "shut up."
Sue: Mom said "shut up" yesterday.
Frankie: We don't tattle either.

Frankie: [v.o.] Well, the school year was off to an awesome start. The kids were late for class and I was late for work. Luckily, I had Bob to cover for me.
Mr. Ehlert: Bob. Where the hell's Frances?
Bob: I don't know. I don't know. Oh, Frankie. Sorry. I let you down. Punish me, Mr. Ehlert. Whatever you're gonna do to her, do to me. Unless you were making her work the weekend of the Persimmon Festival. I'm manning a booth.
Mr. Ehlert: You've never manned anything.

Frankie: I'm sorry, Mr. Ehlert. Today is the kids' first day of school and we're not exactly back to our routine yet.
Mr. Ehlert: Pete, what are your kids doing now?
Pete: I have no idea, sir.
Mr. Ehlert: You see? Now, that's a salesman.

Mike: They want three "in case of emergency" people?
Frankie: Yep.
Mike: Seems excessive. We'll give them one.
Frankie: This was your plan all along, wasn't it?
Mike: Maybe. Night, honey.
Frankie: Okay. You just get your sleep because tomorrow's a new leaf, baby. New leaf.
Frankie: [v.o.] Sue Sue Heck. Yeah, we really probably should've made the time to change that.

Brick: I smell cooking. Is Grandma here?
Frankie: No, Grandma's not here. I'm making us a good breakfast so we can start our day off right.
Mike: Yep. We're getting out in front of it. That's what we're doing, honey, right?
Sue: I smell bacon. Grandma?
Frankie: Other people can cook food besides Grandma, you know.
Axl: Unh, there's a weird noise coming out of my clock.
Frankie: Axl, relax. I set your alarm last night so you'd have time to get ready for school without being rushed.
Axl: [sniffs] Grandma?
Frankie: Grandma is not here. I'm here. Now I want you all to sit down and listen up. We're getting up on time. We're having a healthy breakfast. We'll start the day organized and armed for success.