‘A Very Marry Christmas’
Season 8, Episode 9 - Aired December 13, 2016
Frankie is delighted when Axl returns home and breaks his silence, while Sue struggles to keep his secret. Mike doesn't know how to respond when Bill Norwood gives him a Christmas present. Meanwhile, Brick is asked to look after the neighbor kids for a few hours.
Quote from Brick
Riley: Brick, can you come out and play?
Brick: I'm kind of in the middle of a book.
Lacey: Can we come in and play?
Brick: Again, in the middle of the aforementioned book, in which the protagonist is in quite a pickle.
Lucas: Can we come in and eat a pickle?
Brick: Look, guys, I know I was on fire the other day. I gave you a magical experience, but I just can't do that all the time, nor do I want to.
Lacey: Are you too busy doing something with the popular kids?
Brick: [closes his book] Come in.
Kids: Yay!
Mike: [to Brick] Don't need to know.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Uh, I don't think I'm your guy. I'm not even allowed to have a hamster.
Dierdre: Oh, it's fine.
Brick: I don't even know where my dog is.
Dierdre: It's fine. It's okay. It's great. It's fine.
Brick: I-I've never babysat before in my life!
Dierdre: It's good.
Quote from Brick
Brick: All right. Sergeant MacKenzie won the battle, but the volcano erupted, and now, there's hot lava everywhere. Quick! To safety!
Quote from Brick
Riley: I had a lot of fun, Brick. You must be the most popular kid in school.
Brick: Well, I am in school.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Okay, Mom, which piece of the Christmas village do you want to set up next?
Frankie: Let's do the church, and then we'll build out from there.
Axl: Oh, that's genius!
Frankie: Oh, thanks for helping me, Axl.
Axl: Yeah.
Frankie: You know, I thought you just wanted to do this 'cause you wanted to put the townspeople in compromising positions.
Axl: Oh, Mom, you know I've grown out of that. But, if I hadn't, I'd go with the baker and the librarian. She is long overdue.
Frankie: [laughs] That's terrible.
Quote from Axl
Sue: Axl, can I talk to you for a second?
Axl: I'm sorry, Sue. We're busy. And after this, Mom and I have to snow the Christmas village. [Sue laughs]
Quote from Brick
Children: [o.s.] Brick! Brick! Brick! Brick! Brick! Brick! Brick! Brick! Brick!
[As Brick tries to crawl to his room without being spotted, Mike walks into the living room]
Mike: How much do you think something like this would cost?
Brick: $40.45?
Mike: Really? That much?
Brick: Well, the case said that it has titanium nose pads and full-spectrum UVA/UVB protection.
Mike: That bastard.
[The children scream as they stand at the sliding door and see Brick]
Quote from Sue
Sue: Well, this is nice... everybody in the car, together. How about we play a game? We'll call it "What's new in your life?" I reversed my reversible comforter. Next.
Mike: I got new sunglasses.
Sue: Dad, it's not your turn. Any recent changes in your life, Axl?
Axl: I have a newfound appreciation for the holidays and my mother.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Axl!
Axl: Can't think of a thing.
Sue: Okay, I got one. [laughs] When there were free refills, I got root beer even though my original pop was orange. Axl, did you think of anything? Anything at all?
Axl: I don't like this game, Sue.
Sue: Well, we can play something else. [whispering] I'm not married to it.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: You know what? I've just got to to say, with my family all together, I'm just so filled with a sense of joy and peace. This may be the best Christmas ever. [Sue laughs nervously] [cellphone rings]
Brick: Oh, no! If that's Gracie, tell her I'm not here.
Frankie: [answers cellphone] Hello? Oh, hi! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I did not know that. Yeah, of course we'll be there. Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too. [cellphone clicks] You got married?!
Axl: Whoa.
Frankie: You idiot!
Mike: Wait. What?!
Axl: Uh-oh.
Frankie: He married her, Mike. He married April!
Sue: Yeah.
Mike: Damn it, Axl!
Axl: Ow!
Frankie: I am gonna kill you! That was April's mom on the phone.
Axl: Stop, please, ow. Stop her!
Frankie: I had to hear it from her!