Eleanor: Pandemonium is from Paradise Lost. Milton called the center of hell, "Pandemonium," meaning, "place of all demons." Chidi tricked me into reading Paradise Lost by telling me Satan was, and I quote, "my type." A big, mean, bald guy with a goatee. I mean, he wasn't wrong.
Janet: Oh, no. That's very on brand for you.
Eleanor: I guess all I can do is embrace the pandemonium, find happiness in the unique insanity of being here, now.
Janet: We'll do this together. In the words of the man that I love, "I got you, dog."
Eleanor: Thanks, Janet.
Janet: Mmm.
Eleanor: You know, for a robot, you make a really good girl friend.
Janet: I'm one out of three of those things, but thank you. Good luck.

Chidi: I hate this. And I'm sorry. And did I say that I hate this? Because I hate this.
Eleanor: You don't need to apologize for making a huge sacrifice to save your friends. This is why people love moral philosophy professors.
Chidi: [chuckles] Well, how about this? Every time you see me get a stomachache, imagine I'm thinking of you.
Eleanor: So, all the time?
Chidi: Exactly.

Eleanor: That went pretty well, right? I've always been good at pretending I've never met people before. It's kinda my go-to power move.

Chidi: But I believe in you. I am not even scared to get rebooted because I know that you'll be here, taking care of me.
Eleanor: I wish we had more time together.
Chidi: Oh, time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby. We'll just get through this. And then you and I can chill out in the dot of the eye forever.
Eleanor: Right. We'll be okay. We found each other before hundreds of times. We can do it again. [sighs] Bye, Chidi.

John: [knocks on door] [o.s.] Anyone?
Eleanor: Uh, okay, Michael. Listen. You can do this. You are Michael. You are smart and capable. And you're a fearless leader. And you are gonna take a deep breath, stand up, open that door and say, "Hi, John. I'm Michael. I'm the architect. Come on in." Got it?
[a moment later:]
Eleanor: Hi, John. I'm Eleanor. I'm the architect. Come on in.

Eleanor: So, let me sum this up for you, John. Ya dead.
John: What?
Eleanor: But don't worry, it's okay that you're dead, because you, John Wheaton, are in the Good Place. You're here because of all the incredible things you did on Earth, which are all right in front of me, so let me just check your file. [looks at alien language] Mmm, good. Yes. That's what I thought. Wow, John, what a life you've led. Sorry, did I introduce Michael? [laughs softly] He's my assistant.
Michael: Hi.
Eleanor: He just transferred over here from dog heaven, so, you know, he's still getting used to people. What do you say I show you around the neighborhood?

Eleanor: Janet is a walking database of all the knowledge in the universe, and since you, John, seem to like asking a relentless number of questions, go ahead. Ask her anything.
John: Okay, um, what's the craziest secret celebrity hook up?
Janet: Drake and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, on and off for years.
John: Okay, wow. Wait, so you really do know everything? Kinda seems like she should be running the neighborhood.
Eleanor: Yes, John, in retrospect, that does seem like a much better idea.

Eleanor: Guys. Guys, guys, guys.
Chidi: Uh-oh. Michael looks like me. That's bad.
Eleanor: Fun little update. Michael was feeling a bit overwhelmed. So, new plan. I'm now the architect. And stop making those faces because I already told John, and there's no going back now.
Tahani: Well, if I could pick anyone to impersonate an immortal deity... Well, it would be me. But if it couldn't be me, it'd be you.

Jason: Yeah, you're gonna rock this. You're like the Blake Bortles of whatever's going on right now. I'm not really sure.

Eleanor: Chidi, have Janet translate the gibberish of these files. Tahani, continue working on the welcome party.
Tahani: Oh, yes, the party. So, for the napkins, I would normally do a queen's tuck, but I was thinking of shaking things up a bit with a Yorkshire butterfly. And this could not matter less. Very sorry. Good-bye.