Tahani: I just want us all to be together. Separate houses, obviously. Large lawns. I'd have a tasteful moat.

Jason: I don't care where I live, as long as they have more of this frozen yogurt.
Tahani: Why? Why?

Chidi: [scale toots] Aw, nuts!
Jason: It's okay! The pattern is green, green, green, red. Remember that when it starts up again.
Chidi: I'm sorry, everyone. I just have some worries as well as some concerns that could potentially turn into outright fears. Wow, there they go. They're fears now.
Eleanor: Okay, I know this mood. Come with us, Dr. Freakout. That was a joke. We are actually very good friends.

Tahani: Look, there are obviously some undealt-with issues here. I propose that everyone who was green go ahead and board the magic balloon, and set out to the Good Place. Sort of like an advance team. We'll put our names in or book a table. However it works. And then we'll send back the magical balloon for the red light people later on. It's a perfect plan. [scale toots] No! It's not working! It probably thinks I'm Eleanor. It is I, Tahani.

Janet: In case you were wondering, I am by definition the best version of myself, because my operating system is always updating.
Eleanor: I'm not sure that's true, Janet. You still haven't talked to Jason about your romantic baggage, and the three of you are in some sort of weird love triangle.
Janet: You don't know what you're talking about. Also, love isn't a triangle. It's a five dimensional blob, so...
Eleanor: Okay. If you're so perfect, step on the scale.
Janet: Fine. [scale toots and pops] Ooh, I think I broke it.
Tahani: No! My beautiful balloon scale!
Eleanor: It's not yours.

Chidi: So months ago, when you said you had this whole complicated plan for getting us to the Good Place...
Michael: It was a lie. I assumed if I bought myself some time, I could figure out a way in. Guys, I tried a billion different ways. Not an exaggeration! I actually tried one billion and twelve different plans. But the only way into the Good Place is by being a good person on Earth.
Tahani: This is unforgivable. How many times can you betray us?
Michael: I'm sorry. I really am, because while I was searching for a way to get in, I was also taking your ethics classes, learning why it was bad to lie. So not only did I fail at getting us into the Good Place, I also learned the error of my ways. Real rock bottom for a demon, I'll tell ya. But this was not torture. I was stalling! So I could keep searching for a way in. I would've been happy if you were to live in this neighborhood forever, but then Shawn came and just ruined the whole thing.
Jason: So what happens now?
Michael: Shawn will eventually figure out you're not at Mindy's, and he'll realize that someone on the inside was helping you. So you'll go to the real Bad Place forever, and I will be... be retired. You're... you're mad at me.
Eleanor: I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.
Michael: Oh, come on. Everyone knows that's worse.

Tahani: You all right?
Jason: Kind of. I asked Michael if I could pop the giant balloon, and he said no. Then I asked if I could suck the helium out of it to make my voice sound funny so it cheers everyone up, and he just kind of sighed and walked away. So I guess that one is still on the table.

Eleanor: Dude, he's where I'm at. Feelings are stupid.
Chidi: Yeah. Who needs 'em?
Eleanor: But, uh, in case feelings aren't stupid, and in the case that we are eternally doomed, I thought it might be worth mentioning that I do... Have feelings for you. And I know you don't feel the same way. And although that fills me with anger and confusion... Wow. Michael was right on the money. I just wanted you to know the truth.

Eleanor: Attention, everyone. We may not know exactly which version of ourselves was technically our best self, but you know what? I like who we are right now. To this version of us. To the good people we've all become.
Tahani: Oh, and to Eleanor, our unofficial leader. You pack a lot of heart and grit into that diminutive frame. Like a scrappy little auto mechanic.
Eleanor: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, babe. And I'll take it.

Eleanor: For me it'll be camping. Like, I'll just always be camping.