Jason: Are you and me cool?
Tahani: Not exactly. I think perhaps given everything, it's best we end our relationship. It's probably about time I stopped relying on others for my sense of self-worth or happiness. You know my whole life, whenever I encountered any obstacles, I would simply say, "I would like to speak to a manager." But in our relationship, there was no manager. There was no one who could fix this for me except for me.
Jason: My mom was a manager at a pet store. Does that help?
Tahani: No, and please don't launch into one of your long stories...
Jason: She got fired after I...
Tahani: Please, no.
Jason: Robbed the pet store where she worked.
Tahani: Please, please, Jason.
Jason: We actually robbed it together.
Tahani: No, no, no.
Jason: Long story short, it was all a dream.
Tahani: Thank you, Jason, for making this moment a little easier for me.

Eleanor: This was your life's work. Are you okay with leaving the fake Good Place behind?
Michael: As long as I'm with you guys, I'm always in the fake Good Place.
Eleanor: That doesn't sound as nice as you think it does.
Michael: The real Bad Place was the friends we made along the way.
Eleanor: Nope. Still nonsense. One more try.
Michael: In a way, the Good Place was inside the Bad Place all along?
Eleanor: You know what? That's technically true. I'm gonna give it to you.
Michael: [laughs] I just made an aphorism. Hit it, Janet! Next stop, the actual Bad Place!

Eleanor: What do you think our new home will be like? I'm picturing Hawaiian beach, unlimited mai tais, and a phone. Ugh, I miss my phone so much. I bet I have so many texts.

Jason: And to Janet, the best robot.
Janet: Not a robot.
Jason: Girl.
Janet: Not a girl.
Jason: And straight up hottie.
Janet: I am attractive, yes.
Jason: Any of us could have ever asked for.
Janet: Thanks, guys. Because of the way we were conceived of and created, Janets don't typically give speeches.
Eleanor: Oh, she's done. She's not gonna give a speech. Okay. Cool.

Eleanor: And you know what, it wasn't really Michael's fault. We weren't getting into the Good Place anyway. I mean, look at us. A self-obsessed socialite, a ridiculous giraffe, an absurd British aristocrat, a narcissistic attention seeker.
Tahani: Are these all me?
Eleanor: Yes. I was gonna do eight for you, and one for everyone else. [all laughing]

Chidi: Ooh! One more toast. To Michael!
All: Michael! Whoo.
Chidi: Who is easily the best version of himself. Granted, the bar was low. He is a demon. But he made a mistake and admitted he was wrong, which makes him better than 90% of all humans.

Eleanor: Okay. I don't know about you guys, but I say we leave this miserable shirthole.
Michael: Now wait. Wait. Not so fast. Now getting to the Good Place is pretty tricky. There's no train to catch. I have to design a complicated, unique, transportation vehicle.
Jason: Is it Optimus Prime?
Michael: What?
Jason: I can't believe we get to ride a real-life Optimus Prime. I call right nipple! That's shotgun on Optimus Prime.
Michael: Look. This vehicle, which is decidedly not Optimus Prime...
Jason: Aw!
Michael: Has never been built before.

Michael: So I'm gonna need a few days to do this.
Eleanor: Dude, we just escaped by the skin of our teeth. And any second now, Shawn is gonna realize that we are not at Mindy St. Clair's. So whatever this magical Good Place-mobile is, now's the time to whip it out, B.
Tahani: I agree. And although I believe I've asked you this question already...
Michael: There is no business class.

Michael: Okay. Here goes nothing. Janet, if you would.
Janet: And presto! [beeps]
Michael: Oops. Forgot to log in first. Gotta answer my security question. What was the name of your childhood pet? Korzoth, the ten-headed dog-spider.
Janet: And presto!

Jason: Dope.
Eleanor: We did it, guys. We won. We're going to The Good Place in a fricking gold balloon.
Jason: Shotgun!
Chidi: It's a hot air balloon. What does that even mean?
Jason: Top of the balloon. Ultimate shotgun.