Dorothy: If my mother found out about this, she would kill me.
Stan: Dorothy, I'm getting the feeling you're ashamed of me.
Dorothy: Stanley, don't be silly. Get down. Stan, can't you even wait till we get to the car? [helicopter whirring]
Police Officer: My God! What are you kids doin' down there?!

Dorothy: Card says these are for me. They're from Stanley. "Roses are red, violets are blue. I hope you enjoy this candy. It cost me 42." You know - and I'm guessing here - I'll bet you that Stan wrote this himself.

Rose: So what should I do?
Blanche: Say something to her. Tell her you have to get something off your chest and put your foot down. That girl thinks only of herself.
Rose: You're right. Put my foot down. Get it off my chest.
Dorothy: Hi, Rose. Where you goin'?
Rose: Dorothy, I'm going to get something off my foot.
Dorothy: Good for you, Rose. Careful of the carpet.

Blanche: [laughs]
Dorothy: What's so funny?
Blanche: Oh, Marmaduke. Look at how he drives that car. I love my comics. Every day, "Marmaduke" and "Apartment 3G."
Dorothy: I haven't read "Apartment 3G" since 1961.
Blanche: Oh, well, let me catch you up. It is later the same day.

Rose: Oh, what a day. I wasn't able to get any work done today because of that new girl Abby. I mean, she's constantly talking to me all day long. And she never listens to me. Do you know what it's like to be totally ignored?
Sophia: So how was your day, Rose?

Stan: Hi, it's me, Stan. Am I late?
Rose: Not if you're willing to play Dorothy.

Stan: Babe, you will never guess what I went out and bought today. It's got whitewall tires, original upholstery, and it's the same one we took to our senior prom.
Dorothy: Stan, that's impossible.
Rose: No, Dorothy, don't give up. We'll get this.
Stan: Uh, It's in the driveway right now. It says "Studebaker" right across the back just like my old one.
Rose: OK, OK, no more hints.
Dorothy: Rose, head down. It's quiet time.

Blanche: Are you still on the phone with Abby?
Rose: Blanche, I can't get Abby off the phone.
Blanche: Tell her a St. Olaf story.
Rose: What'll that do?
Blanche: Give it a shot.
Rose: [on the phone] You know, Abby, something like that happened to me in St. Olaf. Sure, I understand. Yeah, this is a good time to replace the batteries in your smoke alarm. That's odd. She hung up.

Rose: I can't believe this.
Blanche: How could you sleep with that man?
Rose: She slept with him?
Blanche: What did you think she did?
Rose: Well, she looks like she was pushing his car.

Rose: Oh, Sophia, did we wake you again?
Sophia: No, I'm up because I'm feeling frisky. What say we get out the Ouija board-
Blanche: Oh, Sophia, you already said that.
Sophia: It's the middle of the night. You want something fresh, turn on Letterman.