Abby: Anyway, you know the station manager. Well, he called me today, and there is this rumor that you're not-
Sophia: Excuse me, Abby. I'd like to inject some candor here. I'd also like to inject a tranquilizer dart into your backside. But my dart gun was confiscated after the incident with the trick-or-treaters. In my defense, it was dark, and I was unaware of this Ninja Turtle craze. But I digress. So to be brief, Abby, shut up. Get a life. Stop calling Rose. She doesn't wanna talk to you, so leave her alone. Thank you.
Abby: Is that what you wanted to say to me, Rose?
Rose: Well, I'm sorry, but I suppose so.

Dorothy: Look, Ma, Stan and I have a long history together, and it's nice that we're finally able to talk to each other as friends.
Sophia: Friends are one thing, Dorothy, but he's your ex-husband, and you're givin' him the wrong idea. That's bad news.
Dorothy: I don't want to hear any more about this. And you and I can argue till the cows come home.
Rose: We're home.

Blanche: Oh, there you are, Rose. Good. Honey, I'm borrowing your earrings to go with this new outfit of mine. Tell me I look stunning.
Rose: You look stunning.
Blanche: You're not just saying that.
Rose: No, I'm just repeating it.

Sophia: Dorothy, this came for you.
Dorothy: Ah? Ah, it's from Stan. It's steaks. He sent me steaks.
Sophia: So I take it he still has the wrong idea about you two?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, it's nothing.
Blanche: Dorothy, the man sent you meat.

Police Officer: My God, what are you kids doin' in there?
Dorothy: It's all right, Officer. We're divorced.

Blanche: Rose is still having trouble with that friend at work.
Rose: I can't just tell her to leave me alone.
Sophia: Maybe someone else can, someone who's more candid about their feelings.
Blanche: Well, like who, Sophia?
Sophia: Give it some thought, slut puppy.

Blanche: Are you just gettin' in?
Dorothy: Shh. Yes.
Rose: Have you been with Stan all this time?
Dorothy: The car ran out of gas.
Blanche: Ohh. I've used that a thousand times. Dorothy Zbornak, did you do what I think you did tonight?
Dorothy: I don't know what on earth you're- Yes!

Sophia: If Abby is the new consumer reporter, doesn't that mean?
Rose: She's also my new boss.
Sophia: Boy, have you got some serious butt to kiss.

Dorothy: Ma, I told you, I am not seeing Stan anymore. I remember the tears that man caused me, the hatred I felt, and I don't need that grief again.
Sophia: Good, because I worry about you. You're still my little girl, you know, no matter how big you get.
Dorothy: Aw, thanks, Ma.
Sophia: By the way, how big are you gonna get?
Dorothy: Good night, Ma.