Blanche: God, I wish she wasn't coming. I just hate her.
Rose: I can't believe you hate your sister.
Blanche: I despise her. Oh, I wish I'd gotten a decorator. Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister.

Rose: She's your sister. How can you hate your sister?
Blanche: Because she made me and my big sister Charmaine miserable our entire lives.
Rose: I never heard of such a thing.
Blanche: You never heard of anybody hating their sister?
Rose: Never. Maybe it's Southern.
Blanche: Sleeping with your brothers is Southern.

Rose: Sophia, if you hated your sister, would you clean the house?
Sophia: I'd put Vaseline on the tips of her walker.

Rose: Oh, what is our name?
Dorothy: This is Danny.
Blanche: Dorothy, what in the world is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder, Blanche. What do you think it is? It's Lucy and Ted's baby. Ted had a little accident waterskiing, and Lucy's taking him to the hospital.
Blanche: Now, we cannot have a baby in this house. My sister's coming.
Dorothy: Does she eat them?
Blanche: I have cleaned this house from top to bottom. I have killed myself for two days. Babies make a mess.
Dorothy: In diapers. And unless we use them as placemats, your sister will never know.

Blanche: But never mind about that. Let's talk about you. You look like you lost weight, sugar.
Virginia: I have.
Blanche: Hm. You know, at your age, when you lose weight, your skin just hangs there. Like leaves on a willow.
Virginia: I haven't lost that much. I don't think that's happened yet.
Blanche: Well, I don't know. But if I were you, I sure wouldn't wave goodbye.
Virginia: And if I were you, I sure wouldn't jog without a muumuu.

Rose: It's colic. My children had it. You give them brandy.
Sophia: For colic?
Dorothy: Yes. After dinner with a cigar. Rose, you give brandy for teething. You rub it on their gums.
Rose: Oh. I thought I gave it to them for colic. In their bottles. Well, my babies were very happy.
Sophia: Put it in my bottle, I'll be happy too.

Dorothy: Ma, could you eat a little more quietly, please?
Sophia: These are Fritos. You want me to swallow them whole?

Dorothy: So how was dinner?
Blanche: I'm still in shock.
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: I just can't believe it.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: You never think you're gonna hear that.
Dorothy: Blanche, tell me.
Blanche: She's dying.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: My sister's dying.
Rose: [entering] What?
Sophia: Dying, she's dying.
Rose: Oh, my God, Blanche! Oh, honey, I didn't even know you were sick!
Dorothy: Not Blanche. Her sister.
Rose: Oh, thank God.

Blanche: I need both my kidneys. You know what'll happen if I give her one? My ankles will swell, my eyes will puff up. I'll look just like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Dorothy: Blanche, that does not happen. You can live just fine with one kidney.

Rose: What would you do?
Dorothy: For my children, I wouldn't even have to think. I mean, I'd give them both of my kidneys. I'd cut 'em out myself.
Rose: Me too. I'd give them my heart.
Sophia: I'd give to all my children, except Phil.
Dorothy: Why not Phil?
Sophia: Because he never calls, he never writes. I only hear from him at Christmas when he sends me a cheddar cheese nativity scene. I'm Catholic. I can't spread a wise man on a Ritz cracker.