Rose: If I still had my dog Fluffy, I'd give to him.
Sophia: You'd give what to Fluffy?
Rose: My kidney.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Rose.You'd give a kidney to a dog?
Rose: Absolutely.
Sophia: So he could whiz on your rug?

Rose: I would give to him because of everything he gave to me. He was loving, he was loyal, he was fun. He never left my side.
Dorothy: I wish my ex had been like Fluffy. Would've solved a lot of problems.
Sophia: You could've had him fixed.

Blanche: How come you didn't ask Charmaine for her kidney? You were always closer to Charmaine.
Virginia: Charmaine's kidneys are attached to each other.
Blanche: What do you mean, attached?
Virginia: The two are joined. It's like having one big kidney, and you can't separate 'em.
Blanche: Leave it to Charmaine.
Virginia: I know. She never could help Mama because she had heart flutters, and she never could take gym class, no, because she had a tipped uterus, and she never did any housework because she had a spastic colon. Now, she has attached kidneys.
Blanche: That girl is some kind of mutant.

Rose: I'm worried about Blanche. I wish she had let one of us go with her.
Sophia: Not me. I hate hospitals. My friend Matty Fishbein went into the hospital a healthy guy. Then boom, boom, dead, just like that, in his sleep. 98 years old. No apparent cause.

Rose: [to the baby] Boochie-boochie-boo. Oochie-oochie-boo-boo.
Sophia: Finally, someone she can talk to.

Virginia: That was a lovely lunch, Blanche. A lovely lunch in a lovely house with your lovely friends.
Blanche: Stop making fun of me, Virginia.
Virginia: Making fun of you? Honey, I was complimenting you.
Blanche: I heard the way you said "lovely."
Virginia: How did I say "lovely"?
Blanche: Oh, you know very well how you said "lovely." You said "lovely" the same way you say "lovely" to a date who's just shown up in a light-blue tuxedo.
Virginia: Well, I meant "lovely" no matter how it came out.
Blanche: I guess maybe I just didn't think you'd recognize good taste. You know, this house was done by Nancy Reagan's decorator.

Virginia: Oh, Blanche, please. Let's not do this. Let's grow up. For God's sake, we have done this our whole lives long! Let's call an end to it, OK?
Blanche: Sure, whatever. So you thinking about getting a face-lift? For your - how do I put this delicately? - turkey wattle or what?

Rose: Blanche, your sister seemed very nice.
Blanche: She was nicer than she's ever been. She was interested, charming, caring, loving. Just couldn't have been more wonderful. I just wonder what she wants, the conniving little witch.

Virginia: Let's make a toast.
Blanche: With water?
Virginia: Well, I can't drink.
Blanche: You never could. One Jack Daniel's and you'd disappear with half a fraternity house.

Virginia: To us. To the beginning of a new and wonderful relationship. To sisters.
Blanche: That's very sweet, Virginia. Now, what do you want?
Virginia: What is it with you? You just step on any kind of tender moment.
Blanche: Oh, tender moment, my foot. All my life you've taken everything that ever meant anything to me.
Virginia: What did I take? A couple of cashmere sweaters and a poodle skirt?
Blanche: You took my poodle skirt? Was that you?