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‘Transplant’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Transplant

104. Transplant

Aired October 5, 1985

Blanche suspects her sister has ulterior motives when she pays a visit to Miami.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Why do you hate your sister? That's what I wanna know.
Blanche: Because when she was born, I ceased to exist. I never saw my mama and daddy again.
Rose: Where did they go?
Blanche: They never looked at me again, Rose. She was the adorable one, the gorgeous one, the brilliant one. She sat in my daddy's lap for 16 years. Oh, and she was hateful. You know what she used to do? She used to bite herself on the arm and then run crying to Daddy that I had done it and he'd punish me. Oh, she got me in trouble all the time. Daddy used to call me the bad seed. Once, she even electrocuted me.
Rose: Oh, no!
Blanche: Oh, yes. It was the day before Christmas and we were playing and she jiggled the tree and the star fell off and broke. So she told me to pick it up and put it on my finger. And I did. Then she plugged it in. And wham! My eyes bugged out, my hair shot straight up. I did a crazy rubber dance all over the room. I'm sure my heart stopped beating for a minute. Then she ran to Daddy and told him I'd broken the star and almost electrocuted her. And he sent me to my room for all of Christmas Eve and told me that the baby Jesus was mad at me for ruining his birthday.
Rose: Blanche, that's horrible.
Blanche: And that's not the worst part. That darn electricity straightened my hair. I used to have curly hair.

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Quote from Sophia

Rose: Look at this, pop-ups. Isn't that wonderful? Remember when we had to use cotton and fish ointment?
Sophia: That's nothing. In Sicily, we use a leaf and the river.
Dorothy: Ma, you never had a baby in Sicily.
Sophia: I was a baby in Sicily.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Disposable bottles and formula. We had to sterilize our bottles and make our formula.
Sophia: I nursed. Your brother was 12 when he stopped. He wanted to come home from school at lunchtime. I got nothing left up here.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: What are you gonna do, Blanche?
Blanche: I don't know. I mean, it's not as if she were my daughter. She's my sister. My sister that I hate.
Sophia: I wish I could give her my kidneys, let her get up all night.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: And what if I give her my kidney and then the one good kidney I have left stops working? What'll I do then, ask for my kidney back?
Rose: You'd be an Indian giver.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I don't like hospitals either. They're full of germs. I always hold my breath in the elevators 'cause there are sick people in the elevators and it's such a small space. And once, I had to go to the eighth floor in a hospital, and the elevator stopped on every floor, and I had to hold my breath all that time. And I finally fainted and I hit my head and then I had to stay there because I had a concussion, and I had to hold my breath all the way down in the elevator to the emergency room. Then I had to hold my breath in the x-ray, where they ask you to hold your breath anyway. And then after...
Dorothy: [entering] I have great news.
Sophia: Rose, excuse me. We'll get back to your fascinating hospital story later.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'd give you one of my kidneys, but I'm sure you'd rather have one you can control.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: God, I wish she wasn't coming. I just hate her.
Rose: I can't believe you hate your sister.
Blanche: I despise her. Oh, I wish I'd gotten a decorator. Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: She's your sister. How can you hate your sister?
Blanche: Because she made me and my big sister Charmaine miserable our entire lives.
Rose: I never heard of such a thing.
Blanche: You never heard of anybody hating their sister?
Rose: Never. Maybe it's Southern.
Blanche: Sleeping with your brothers is Southern.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Sophia, if you hated your sister, would you clean the house?
Sophia: I'd put Vaseline on the tips of her walker.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Oh, what is our name?
Dorothy: This is Danny.
Blanche: Dorothy, what in the world is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder, Blanche. What do you think it is? It's Lucy and Ted's baby. Ted had a little accident waterskiing, and Lucy's taking him to the hospital.
Blanche: Now, we cannot have a baby in this house. My sister's coming.
Dorothy: Does she eat them?
Blanche: I have cleaned this house from top to bottom. I have killed myself for two days. Babies make a mess.
Dorothy: In diapers. And unless we use them as placemats, your sister will never know.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: But never mind about that. Let's talk about you. You look like you lost weight, sugar.
Virginia: I have.
Blanche: Hm. You know, at your age, when you lose weight, your skin just hangs there. Like leaves on a willow.
Virginia: I haven't lost that much. I don't think that's happened yet.
Blanche: Well, I don't know. But if I were you, I sure wouldn't wave goodbye.
Virginia: And if I were you, I sure wouldn't jog without a muumuu.

Quote from Rose

Rose: It's colic. My children had it. You give them brandy.
Sophia: For colic?
Dorothy: Yes. After dinner with a cigar. Rose, you give brandy for teething. You rub it on their gums.
Rose: Oh. I thought I gave it to them for colic. In their bottles. Well, my babies were very happy.
Sophia: Put it in my bottle, I'll be happy too.

Quote from Blanche

Virginia: I can't believe that you are still crazy about that.
Blanche: It's not over that. It's over Tom.
Virginia: Tom?
Blanche: Don't act so surprised, Virginia. You knew I was dating him. Then I had to go to the country to visit Aunt Augusta and when I got back, I had poison ivy and you had Tom. I loved that boy. I wanted to marry him. We were serious.
Virginia: You only had two dates with him.
Blanche: I was fast.
Virginia: I swear I didn't think that you liked him at all.
Blanche: Then I had to be maid of honor at your wedding. I had to stand there and watch you marry Tom. And I had to wear that green dress, which you knew was my most awful color. I looked just like a swamp frog.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, could you eat a little more quietly, please?
Sophia: These are Fritos. You want me to swallow them whole?

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: So how was dinner?
Blanche: I'm still in shock.
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: I just can't believe it.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: You never think you're gonna hear that.
Dorothy: Blanche, tell me.
Blanche: She's dying.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: My sister's dying.
Rose: [entering] What?
Sophia: Dying, she's dying.
Rose: Oh, my God, Blanche! Oh, honey, I didn't even know you were sick!
Dorothy: Not Blanche. Her sister.
Rose: Oh, thank God.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Your kidney?
Blanche: My kidney.
Rose: Why would she need a kidney?
Dorothy: To feed the cat, Rose!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I need both my kidneys. You know what'll happen if I give her one? My ankles will swell, my eyes will puff up. I'll look just like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Dorothy: Blanche, that does not happen. You can live just fine with one kidney.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: What would you do?
Dorothy: For my children, I wouldn't even have to think. I mean, I'd give them both of my kidneys. I'd cut 'em out myself.
Rose: Me too. I'd give them my heart.
Sophia: I'd give to all my children, except Phil.
Dorothy: Why not Phil?
Sophia: Because he never calls, he never writes. I only hear from him at Christmas when he sends me a cheddar cheese nativity scene. I'm Catholic. I can't spread a wise man on a Ritz cracker.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: If I still had my dog Fluffy, I'd give to him.
Sophia: You'd give what to Fluffy?
Rose: My kidney.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Rose.You'd give a kidney to a dog?
Rose: Absolutely.
Sophia: So he could whiz on your rug?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I would give to him because of everything he gave to me. He was loving, he was loyal, he was fun. He never left my side.
Dorothy: I wish my ex had been like Fluffy. Would've solved a lot of problems.
Sophia: You could've had him fixed.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: How come you didn't ask Charmaine for her kidney? You were always closer to Charmaine.
Virginia: Charmaine's kidneys are attached to each other.
Blanche: What do you mean, attached?
Virginia: The two are joined. It's like having one big kidney, and you can't separate 'em.
Blanche: Leave it to Charmaine.
Virginia: I know. She never could help Mama because she had heart flutters, and she never could take gym class, no, because she had a tipped uterus, and she never did any housework because she had a spastic colon. Now, she has attached kidneys.
Blanche: That girl is some kind of mutant.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I'm worried about Blanche. I wish she had let one of us go with her.
Sophia: Not me. I hate hospitals. My friend Matty Fishbein went into the hospital a healthy guy. Then boom, boom, dead, just like that, in his sleep. 98 years old. No apparent cause.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, what are you doing here? Is something wrong? I mean, we didn't expect you back so soon.
Blanche: Oh, the best possible thing has happened. I still have both my kidneys and my sister's fine.
Dorothy: Blanche, how is that possible?
Blanche: They couldn't use my kidney. My blood vessels were too small. Well, of course they're too small. I've always been very petite.
Dorothy: Blanche, Virginia.
Blanche: Oh, the most wonderful thing happened. They found a donor, an excellent match. She was a retired Mormon schoolteacher.
Rose: Virginia's so lucky!
Blanche: Oh, I'll say. That kidney was showroom-new. Why, the wildest thing that ever passed through there was Ovaltine. But the best part of it was that hunk of a doctor who examined me, he's gonna be in Florida in a few weeks.
Rose: Wherever she goes, she finds a man!
Sophia: So do hookers.


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