Rose: My grandparents lived till their 90s. One was 102.
Blanche: In Minnesota.
Rose: So?
Blanche: Rose, you know how they freeze dead people to preserve them and then bring them back? That's like living in Minnesota. The cold slows down the aging process. I would move there in a shot if only they had men there.
Rose: We have men in Minnesota.
Blanche: Farmers, Rose. Farmers.

Sophia: You're Scandinavian. What do you know, a thousand ways to make herring?
Rose: Well, not a thousand, but a lot, and I'm famous for my Lindstrom surprise.
Blanche: What in the world is that?
Sophia: Herring pie. The surprise is, you think it's pie, like apple, but when you bite into it, it's herring!
Dorothy: Oh, what fun!
Rose: It was. My cat was named Lindstrom. I used to make it for him on his birthday and other holidays.
Blanche: Wait, your last name was Lindstrom. You named your cat Lindstrom Lindstrom?
Rose: Yes, it was less confusing for him.

Rose: This is a very depressing conversation.
Blanche: Well, I want a fancy funeral. I want a big parade with a riderless horse. And I want to lie in state, and then be buried in Arlington Cemetery.
Rose: Why Arlington Cemetery?
Blanche: Because it's full of men.
Rose: But they're all dead.
Blanche: So are the men I date.

Dorothy: Ma, you know, you don't look good.
Sophia: I'm short and I'm old. What did you expect, Princess Di?

Rose: There shouldn't be heart attacks or cancer, or anything like that. There should just be a certain age where you have to turn your life in, like a library book. You pack a bag, you go, and that's that.
Blanche: I wouldn't know what to pack. Of course, the real question is, do they have dry cleaners there?
Rose: Well, dry cleaners die. There's probably a slew of dry cleaners.
Dorothy: Will you two please shut up?

Sophia: Listen. Before you know it, I could be gone, and we won't have said some important stuff. I love you, Dorothy. Just remember that I love you very, very much.
Dorothy: And I love you, Ma very, very much. I couldn't love you more.
Sophia: And you two, Heckle and Jeckle. Thank you for letting me live here. It was some treat. You made an old lady feel young again. You're OK.
Blanche: We love you, Sophia.
Rose: We sure do.
Sophia: This is nice, to die with friends. I'm gonna close my eyes now, but I'm only resting.

[As Sophia rests on the couch, Dorothy, Blanche and Rose crowd around and watch her closely]
Sophia: Aah!
Dorothy: What, Ma? What?
Sophia: What? You're sitting on top of me, I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon.

Rose: Sophia, you know, I always thought there'd be a Catholic heaven, with nuns and priests and churches. And then a separate, Protestant heaven, with people and cows and horses. And then a Jewish heaven, with libraries and furriers and...
Sophia: You're starting to annoy me. You shouldn't annoy a sick person.

Dorothy: You know, I knew someone who went to this fabulous restaurant in Paris and just had watercress for lunch because, you know, she didn't want to gain weight. And then after lunch, she walked out of the restaurant and a gargoyle fell off the building, hit her on the head, and killed her.
Blanche: Oh, no.
Dorothy: I mean, look at what her last meal was.
Blanche: That is tragic, just tragic. Here, honey, dig in.
Dorothy: 'Course, it will be just my luck. I'll eat, I'll gain 40 pounds, and live to be 90.
Rose: Me, too. I'm healthy as a horse. Unfortunately, I'll wind up looking like one.
Blanche: You know, all it takes is one little dessert and my panties cut off my circulation.
Dorothy: I pass.
Rose: Me, too.
Blanche: I'm not touching that.
Dorothy: I mean, I put on 12 pounds just from dinner alone.
Blanche: Let's go for a walk.
Rose: Right, burn it off.
Dorothy: Are you kidding? After what we ate, we'd have to walk to Canada.
Blanche: Oh, Mounties. I love Canadian men!

Dorothy: Boy, what a night.
Blanche: You said it. It sure makes you think.
Dorothy: Sure does.
Rose: About what?
Dorothy: About our policy in Guatemala. About death, Rose.