Blanche: Dorothy, I cannot go through with it. I'm gonna call Ted and cancel.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, you can't.
Blanche: Well, but it isn't fair. He should've told me he was disabled.
Sophia: Yeah, what a great icebreaker.

Blanche: I need a chaperone. Now, do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
Dorothy: What favors?
Blanche: [to Sophia] I need a chaperone. Now, do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
Sophia: I don't owe you any favors.
Blanche: Oh, really? "But, officer, the little old lady was with me. She couldn't possibly have put that banana in your tailpipe."
Sophia: It'll be an honor to serve.

Ted: Blanche, you a little nervous?
Blanche: Nervous? Me? Wheelchair. Oops. I mean, no, no, not at all.
Ted: Come on, Blanche, most people in wheelchairs were something else until that one second before their accident and their lives change. Hey, take a look at this guy in the baseball uniform. I'm still basically that guy.

Sophia: Well, mercy me. Looks like my little magnolia just turned into a big ho'.

Dorothy: Rose, we have to talk. Look, the food dish is overturned, there is a hole in the newspaper, the potted palm in the hallway has been dug up. I cannot live like this.
Sophia: Dorothy, please don't send me away. I'll try harder.
Dorothy: I'm talking about the dog.
Sophia: Oh. In that case, I also saw him slip two 20s out of your purse.

Dorothy: Rose, you got a reprieve. As long as Blanche isn't here, she won't find out you brought a dog into the house.
Rose: What do I care if she finds out? I'm not afraid. I'm within my rights. There is nothing in my lease that says I can't have a pet.
Blanche: All right, who or what ate the heel off one my new red pumps?
Rose: I did.

Blanche: Ah, girls, I just don't know what I am gonna do about Mr. Ted Tanner.
Sophia: If the man wants to colorize movies, let him colorize movies. It's show business, for God's sake.

Rose: Well, Sophia, did you feed Bingo today?
Sophia: To what?
Dorothy: Ma, you did feed the puppy today, didn't you?
Sophia: I think we both had one of those international coffees - mocha minty or something - I don't know. We both threw up a little.

Dorothy: Look, Rose, I don't think this is gonna work out. Now, we are out all day. Puppies need care from someone with a knowledge of loving and nurturing. And let's face it, that is not Ma.