Arnie: Rose, I adored Molly, my wife. We were married 34 years. Never slept with another woman. I looked, I enjoyed, I patted a few bottoms, but that was it, Rose. No, Molly was my world. Then one day... a drunk in a Chevy took my world away. For a year, I was a zombie. I dressed, I worked, I slept. For fun, I ate onion sandwiches. Then one day, my daughter sat me down and she said, "Mom would hate what you're doing. She would say, 'Arnie, who are you saving yourself for? I'm dead. And I'm not in heaven if I have to worry about you."' That convinced me. I wonder what Charlie would say, if he knew.
Rose: Probably the same thing Molly said.
Arnie: Molly didn't actually say that, Rose.
Rose: There's something else.
Arnie: Oh?
Rose: I might kill you.
Arnie: What? What are you talking about?
Rose: I've never told anybody this in my life, but my husband died while he was making love to me. And I'm afraid if we make love, I'll kill you.
Arnie: If you haven't made love in 15 years, that's a possibility.

Blanche: Just sit down here, honey, and tell us all about your trip.
Rose: Oh, it was fabulous! The food was delicious. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. And the activities on board ship, well, the list goes on forever! Masquerade balls, hootenannies, tours of the engine room, fashion shows, Jazzercize, Las Vegas Night, Monte Carlo Night, Rio Night, Riviera Night-
Dorothy: Who cares, Rose! Did you and Arnie hit the sheets or not?
Sophia: Dorothy!
Rose: Some women don't kiss and tell.
Blanche: Oh, shoot, honey, that's half the fun. Most of the boys I dated in college were just for the stories.
Dorothy: You must have more stories than O. Henry!

Dorothy: Ma, Persian Rummy?
Sophia: 500 points?
Dorothy: Penny a point.
Sophia: You deal. I meant to tell you, I got a card from Gloria Pelizado today.
Dorothy: Oh, how many stamps did she use? Gloria Pelizado's been dead for two years.
Sophia: Who said Gloria Pelizado? I said Flo Pelizado. Why don't you pay attention?
Dorothy: Oh, how is Flo?
Sophia: Oh, beautiful. She and her second husband, Pete, are in Rome. You remember Pete, the man you could have had?
Dorothy: I did have him. That's why I didn't want him.
Sophia: You and Pete? You never told me that!
Dorothy: Later, later. First I want to hear about Aunt Jean and Charles Boyer.
Sophia: Oh, well, you know your Aunt Jean. She was always just two steps away from the gutter. Anyway, one summer she decided to...

Blanche: Oh, I'm so glad you're here! My date's brother just came into town and unless I can find a date for him so we can double, the whole evening's gonna be called off. So what do you say? Would you please be a friend and go out with him?
Sophia: Sure, I'm game!
Blanche: Next time, Sophia.

Blanche: Dorothy, what do you say?
Dorothy: Oh, honey, I'd really love to go. But as you can see, I'm busy.
Blanche: Busy? You're playing cards!
Dorothy: We are not playing cards, we are playing gin rummy.
Sophia: And she stinks at it! We've been doing it for 30 years, she hasn't beaten me once!
Dorothy: Tonight's going to be different. Tonight, the 30 years of humiliation ends!
Sophia: Ooh, I'm so scared, my dentures are chattering.

Rose: I met my husband at a Glenn Miller dance. It wasn't really the Glenn Miller Orchestra, it was Dick Singleton and The Singletones. Their motto was: if you close your eyes, you think it's Glenn Miller. Believe me, no matter what you did, you knew it was Dick Singleton.

Sophia: Watch what you're grabbing. I got a specimen in there.
Dorothy: Gee, I wonder what Rose is doing right now.
Sophia: You mean, you wonder if she's doing it right now.

Dorothy: Aw, Ma, enough already. I'm not gonna play cards with you anymore.
Sophia: Why not?
Dorothy: Why should I? You're the only one who gets any enjoyment out of it.
Sophia: Nah, cards bore me to tears.
Dorothy: Then why do you play?
Sophia: I like the talking.
Dorothy: The what?
Sophia: The talking. You and I had some of our best talks over a game of gin rummy. I don't know why. It just seemed easier for both of us to open up while we were playing cards. Your aunt Jean was the same way. During a pinochle game, she told me that she swam nude in a pool with Charles Boyer.
Dorothy: Aunt Jean? You never told me that.
Sophia: I would have gotten around to it, but we stopped playing cards.

Rose: Oh, I'm so happy, and I have you two to thank for it!
Sophia: You two? Don't you think Arnie should get at least an honorable mention?