Sophia: Hello, Reverend Mother. My, you look holier-than-thou today.
Mother Superior: Save it, Sister Suck Up. How do you explain this note I found in the suggestion box?
Sophia: Well, you said we needed money for the chapel. I thought that would be a good fund-raiser.
Mother Superior: A beefcake calendar of "Monks of the Midwest"?
Sophia: Oh, come on. Open up your mind.
Mother Superior: Sophia, I'm going to go pray now. I won't tell you what I'm going to pray for because it would hurt your feelings. But when I'm done, I expect a complete change of attitude. Understand?
Sophia: Ooh, I'm so scared. What is she gonna do, take away my self-denial privileges?

Blanche: Oh, hi, Dorothy. How was the funeral?
Dorothy: It was a humdinger, Blanche. We closed the place.

Mother Superior: Dorothy, I think her intentions are good, but this doesn't seem to be her calling.
Dorothy: Oh, but this means so much to her. Oh, this would break her heart.
Mother Superior: I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask her to leave.
Dorothy: Oh, Mother Superior, with your permission, may I be the one to tell her? We've been through so much together, I'm sure that any bit of bad news would be easier to take if it came from me.
Mother Superior: Well, then, here's another one for you. We've seen her room. Tell her she won't be getting her cleaning deposit back.

Dorothy: A nun has died. More than a nun. Sister Agnes was my mother's best friend. Oh, she's out there alone now. She hasn't said a word since we left the cemetery. I have no idea how she's going to react to this.
Sophia: I've made a decision. I'm gonna become a nun.
Blanche: Well, at least now you know.

Dorothy: Were you able to get him to bed?
Blanche: No.
Dorothy: Rose still in the closet with the camera?
Blanche: Yes.
Dorothy: Maybe you'll get him tomorrow.

Rose: Blanche, I am furious. I mean, first you take my car without asking. And then, when you have it, you show complete disregard for my personal property.
Blanche: Rose, please have a little compassion. I was just in an accident.
Rose: Well, what do you want me to do, carry you to your room? Massage your neck? Make some cocoa?
Blanche: Diet cocoa. I'm going out again tomorrow.

Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Don't you think I know how crazy this sounds? But it really happened.
Dorothy: Ma, I don't believe you.
Sophia: God said you'd say that.
Dorothy: Ma.
Sophia: He said you'd say that, too.
Dorothy: Ma, stop this.
Sophia: Three for three.

Dorothy: Look, sister, I'm sorry you made this trip for nothing, but this has gone far enough. Ma, I cannot believe that you actually want to go through with this.
Sophia: Who cares what you believe? I had a beautiful experience. God has called me, and I intend to answer.
Dorothy: You're really serious about this, aren't you?
Sophia: Yes, Dorothy. This means a lot to me. Do you think I could leave you that easily?
Dorothy: A minute ago you were gonna spit on me.
Sophia: [to Sister Claire] Do you have this much trouble with your kids?

Blanche: What's wrong, Rose?
Rose: It's my insurance company. They've cut me off because of the lawsuit. What am I gonna do?
Blanche: Well, you need a good lawyer. Give me the keys to your rental, and I'll go out and see if I can nail one for you.

Sophia: [horn honks] There's my ride.
Dorothy: Yep. It's a Granada full of nuns.