Sophia: "And from that day to this, Turkey Lurkey, Goosey Loosey and Henny Penny were never seen"-
Rose: Stop! Children, kids, it's up to you. I mean, if you want to save us and not have us eaten by Foxy Loxy, applaud. I mean it! I mean, clap now if you want to see the goose and the chicken and the turkey live. Come on, put your little hands together. Save us, and you won't have bad dreams. Clap, you miserable-
Dorothy: Come on, Henny, let's get it over with.
Rose: But what about their bad dreams?
Blanche: Let's go. Come on.
Rose: Fine. But I just want you all to know there are monsters living under all your beds.

Dorothy: Where's Blanche? She should see this review.
Rose: Oh, yes, and I hope it makes her feel better. I've been worried about her. I mean, ever since she got those flowers from Mel Bushman, she hasn't been herself.
Blanche: [still wearing the Loosey Goosey outfit] Well, I'm off to the Rusty Anchor. Spring break comes but once a year.

Dorothy: I wonder how this could've happened.
Blanche: I know how it happened, 'cause I know who took that picture. Chugger Dietz, the obituary editor. I never dreamed when I dropped him he'd be so vindictive. 68? Can you believe that? 68?
Dorothy: And dead. Don't forget dead.

Frank: Can I take it then that you will play Henny Penny?
Rose: I'm your chicken.
Sophia: Great, I'll set the oven for 425.

Dorothy: Well, I did once do a production of Showboat in high school, and everyone said I was pretty good.
Sophia: No one can sing "Old Man River" like my Dorothy.

Blanche: Well, they printed the retraction.
Dorothy: Let me see it. I can't find it.
Blanche: Of course you can't. It's way down at the bottom in itty-bitty type.
Dorothy: "Our ad in yesterday's paper should have read 'Sit Well Cortisone Salve Prevents Hemorrhoids, ' not 'Presents Hemorrhoids.'"
Blanche: Below that. Oh, nobody's ever gonna even see it. Everybody's gonna still think I'm 68.
Dorothy: And dead. Why does she keep forgetting dead?

Dorothy: Rose, the play isn't real. It's a fairy tale. Not all stories end happily, and children have to learn that.
Rose: You call yourself a teacher? It's people like you who are responsible for all the evil on this planet.
Dorothy: I guess I had that coming.

Blanche: Any mail for me?
Dorothy: Mm, no.
Blanche: No condolence cards? Well, where's the outpouring of grief from all the many, many men whose lives I have left barren and empty?
Dorothy: Maybe they just don't know you by your real name.

Sophia: Well, here it is! Serafina's next chess move. Perfect. I already know my next move. And when Serafina sees it, her hair will fall out, her heart will stop, her eyes will burn like a thousand red-hot suns. [cackles]
Dorothy: Ma, why do you keep playing this game if you hate her so much?
Sophia: To relax.

Dorothy: Well, Blanche, here you are. You say nobody cares about you? What do you say now?
Blanche: Oh! From Mel Bushman. Good ol' Mel. The only person I can always count on. "Dear Blanche, when I heard of your death, it made me realize you don't know what you have till you've lost it. So I'm back with my ex-wife. Love, Mel." Now that is the most insensitive thing I have ever heard.
Sophia: "P.S. Sorry I missed your birthday. Happy 68th."
Blanche: It doesn't say that.
Sophia: I know. I made that part up.
Dorothy: Ma, why are you always trying to aggravate everyone?
Sophia: To relax.