Sophia: Hello. Who invited Donny Osmond?
Dorothy: Ma, this is Stan.
Stan: Hello, Sophia. It's the hair. It makes me look different.
Sophia: It makes you look stupid.

Dorothy: And I'm not saying this because she is my daughter, but she was the best Abraham Lincoln the third grade ever saw. No, when she freed the second grade, there was not a dry eye in the house.
Dennis: Somehow I just can't picture Kate as Abraham Lincoln.
Dorothy: Oh, Stan, do me a favor? Take off your hair and hold it up to Kate's chin.

Stan: Listen, I have some pictures. Take a look at that stretch of beach, huh? That's our house. That's Chrissy on a new Hobie Cat. That's Chrissy in a hot tub. That's me and Chrissy at a luau.
Dorothy: Is she the one with the apple in her mouth?
Kate: Ma!
Dorothy: You know, she looks pretty good for being in the ground for two hours.

Dorothy: Have you ever met a man who knows how to push all your buttons?
Blanche: Just once. He was a cabana boy in Pensacola.

Blanche: Honey, we just saw Stanley leaving. Are you all right?
Dorothy: I'm fine.
Rose: I wouldn't be fine! I don't know what I'd have done if Charlie had suddenly paid a visit!
Sophia: He's dead! You would have fainted!

Sophia: Are you- Are you really all right?
Dorothy: I'm feeling a little better.
Blanche: And tomorrow you're gonna feel a lot better.
Sophia: And the next day, maybe better still.
Rose: And the next day, maybe-
Blanche: That's right. And then one day, Stanley's gonna be out of your life completely.
Dorothy: Not completely. There will always be a little part of him that stays with me.
Rose: Of course, Dorothy. After 38 years, there are always bound to be some memories that stay with you.
Dorothy: I wasn't talking about memories. I was talking about this. [holds up Stan's toupee]

Blanche: I want to talk to you, Dorothy. Listen, I know this isn't easy for you, so I'm gonna let you in on a sorority secret that was passed on to me at Miss MacGyver's Finishing School. Now, whenever you feel you're about to lose control, just take my hand and give it a little squeeze. I guarantee you'll feel 100% better.
Dorothy: And that's the big secret?
Blanche: Oh, no! The big secret was that Miss MacGyver and Miss McKinney were sharing a one-bedroom apartment off campus.
Dorothy: Oh, will you..!

Dorothy: And that's Sophia. That's Kate's grandma.
Sophia: You got your stethoscope? I wouldn't mind a freebie!

Kate: Before anyone does anything, I have a big announcement to make. As my mother has undoubtedly already told you and the rest of Miami, for the past six months, I've been seeing a doctor named Dennis.
Sophia: That's your big announcement? You call your doctor by his first name?

Kate: Don't you think it would be awkward, with you and Dad not talking?
Dorothy: Now just a minute! I am not the one who ran off to Maui with someone half my age and twice my bra size!
Kate: You see what I mean? That's why we're getting married in the Bahamas.
Dorothy: You are not getting married on an island by a priest wearing clam diggers and a Harry Belafonte shirt. You'll get married right here in Miami.