TV Quotes

Dorothy: You walked out on me and you didn't have the decency to tell me you were leaving. I heard it from some lawyer over the telephone. A stranger, Stanley, a total stranger, told me that my marriage was over.
Stan: Dorothy, look, things happened.
Dorothy: Things happened? You're damn right things happened. Thirty-eight years happened. Thirty-eight years of sharing and crying and dreaming and fighting and loving and children and diapers and school plays and Little League. And worrying if you'd get through your gallbladder surgery. And wondering if I'd get through another Sunday dinner at your mother's house. And the lean years, when the business failed. And the good years, and the happy Christmases. All those things happened, Stanley. And because they happened, I deserved better than a stinking phone call from my husband's legal representative. You had a choice, Stanley, and you took the easy way out. And it was a rotten thing to do! But now you're here in front of me and you can't run away. And I finally get to have what you tried to cheat me out of. I finally get to say goodbye, Stanley.
Stan: Look, Dorothy, we-
Dorothy: I said goodbye, Stanley.

Sophia: You're acting like a jerk.
Dorothy: Thanks, Ma. Thanks. That really makes me feel a lot better.
Sophia: Don't get smart with your mother! Listen, Dorothy, I love you dearly, but you're not the first woman to be dumped by her husband.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, Ma, it's not what he did. I mean, I've learned to live with that. It's the way he did it. The least he could have done was tell me to my face.
Sophia: If you're so angry with him, tell him. You don't have to kill him.
Dorothy: I know. But I want to.
Sophia: Dorothy, anger is a lot like a piece of shredded wheat caught under your dentures. If you leave it there, you get a blister and you gotta eat Jell-O all week. If you get rid of it, the sore heals, and you feel better.
Dorothy: Anger is like a piece of shredded wheat?
Sophia: You want poetry, you listen to Neil Diamond. You want good advice? You listen to your mother.
Dorothy: Maybe you're right.
Sophia: Of course I'm right. You think I got this old by being stupid?
Dorothy: You know, you're the greatest mother in the world.
Sophia: Tell me something I don't know.

Rose: Wait a minute. If you didn't sleep with any of the men in these journals, then how come it says "Bed" on the cover?
Blanche: [laughs] Oh, that doesn't say "Bed."
Rose: Right there, it does.
Blanche: Oh, silly, those are my initials. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux.
Dorothy: Your initials spell "Bed"?

Blanche: Wish me luck.
Dorothy: Wait. Blanche, why should you do it?
Blanche: Because we'll have a better chance. I happen to be a wonderful orator. And two of the commissioners can verify that.
Dorothy: Blanche, "orator" means "speaker".
Blanche: Really? Oh. Well, somebody else do the talking.