‘Guess Who's Coming to the Wedding?’
Season 1, Episode 2 - Aired September 21, 1985
Dorothy is upset at the prospect of seeing her ex-husband, Stan, after their daughter announces she is getting married.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: Oh, great, great, wonderful! My daughter is lost! Oh, I'm just terrible at giving directions!
Blanche: Dorothy, I gave Kate the directions over the phone.
Dorothy: And who are you, Rand McNally? You couldn't make a mistake?
Rose: Shall I set this down someplace?
Dorothy: No, Rose, go to the corner and open a stand!
Quote from Rose
Dorothy: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so anxious about meeting this guy that Kate's bringing.
Rose: Do you think it's serious?
Dorothy: Well, they've been together now for six months. That's the longest she's been interested in any man since Paul McCartney.
Rose: Kate dated Paul McCartney?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose. They wanted to get engaged, but I insisted that she finish grade school.
Quote from Dorothy
Blanche: Dorothy, do you know anything about this boy's family background?
Dorothy: All I know is that he's a doctor.
Blanche: A doctor! Well, the heck with his background! Do you have any idea how much a doctor makes these days?
Dorothy: No, I really don't care what he does for a living. I mean, the important thing is that he and Kate have a good relationship. 'course if they happen to get married, I will shout from every rooftop in Miami, "My son-in-law's a doctor!"
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: I can't find my culottes!
Kate: Grandma, you look sensational!
Sophia: Relax, relax, you're already in the will!
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: Oh, all right, honey. Your wedding day should be the most beautiful day of your life. And if you want to invite your father, I'm willing to keep the peace.
Kate: Promise?
Dorothy: Promise. Then it's settled. Now call your father and tell the dirt bag he can come.
Quote from Sophia
Dorothy: I can't believe Stan has the nerve to show his face at this wedding!
Sophia: The man has a right to see his daughter get married!
Dorothy: I never should have called him.
Sophia: You never should have married him!
Quote from Sophia
Blanche: Hi, hi, hi!
Dorothy: Oh, hi, Blanche.
Blanche: Are my little wedding elves still busy packing their tiny bundles?
Dorothy: Wedding elves.
Sophia: It's that cheap hair dye she uses. It finally ate through!
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: Let's get to the point. Dennis, what do you take home a week?
Dorothy: Ma!
Quote from Sophia
Dorothy: Oh, Dennis, it's going to be a pleasure welcoming you into our little family! And I just hope that you and Kate have all the happiness in the world!
Sophia: Me too. And maybe one of your children will be a real doctor!
Quote from Dorothy
Stan: Hi, it was really- [Dorothy slams the door; doorbell rings] Dorothy, it's Stan. Didn't you recognize me?
Dorothy: Of course I recognized you. That's why I slammed the door in your face.
Stan: Still the jokester, huh, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Yes. And speaking of jokes, Stan, that is some toupee you've got.