Sophia: Wait a minute. Didn't you forget something?
Dorothy: Oh, yes, of course. Goodbye, Mother.
Sophia: What? What, goodbye? You invited me to lunch.
Dorothy: Rain check, rain check.
Mr. Gordon: I think that is a lovely idea, Mrs. Petrillo.
Sophia: Don't worry, Dorothy. I'll be on my best behavior. I won't say or do anything to embarrass you. Oh, wait.
Goofy pictures of Dorothy when she was a kid. Might as well have a couple of laughs over lunch.

Sophia: Oh, here's a picture of Dorothy's ninth birthday party. Look how scared the clown looks.
Dorothy: You know, I can't believe you actually got a clown for my birthday. I can still see his big red nose and those huge black circles around his eyes.
Sophia: Oh, he wasn't a real clown. He was a friend of your father's. He'd been beaten up the night before. We gave him a couple of bucks.
Dorothy: I guess that's why he kept saying, "Now, remember, kids, nobody likes a squealer."

Mr. Gordon: I just got my first assignment to write an article for the book review section. I'm a little nervous. It's due next week.
Dorothy: Oh, well, now you know how we used to feel when you would assign us a book report.
Mr. Gordon: I remember that crazy excuse you used when you didn't hand your paper in. What was it? Oh, that you'd married that kid, Stan, what's his name?
Dorothy: Gee, I don't remember.

Blanche: What's wrong with her?
Rose: Malcolm kissed her.
Blanche: My God, she's in shock.
Dorothy: He gave me flowers from a store.

Man: Are there male/female roles in the relationship?
Blanche: Well, I am the little homemaker, if that's what you mean.
Dorothy: Now, wait a minute. Just... And I take out the garbage.

Blanche: Rose, I could just strangle you.
Rose: So you're still miffed?
Blanche: Well, I don't mind bein' labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life.
Rose: Oh, go ahead. Blanche, I'm a bubblehead and I deserve to die. I said I'm a bubblehead and I deserve to die.
Dorothy: And it was worth repeating.

Rose: I can't believe you're still working on that article. I thought you were just gonna help organize it.
Sophia: I can't believe you're doing this again. You're letting him take advantage of you like he did in high school.
Dorothy: He is under a lot of pressure, and I don't want him to kiss his deadline. Miss. Miss his deadline.

Blanche: Oh, Chuck, this is my roommate Rose, and this is my roommate Dorothy and her mama, Sophia.
Chuck: Oh, yes, I recognize them from TV.
Blanche: You- You saw the show?
Chuck: Yes, I did. Blanche, it was one of the things that attracted me to you.
Blanche: Oh, well, you don't understand.
Chuck: No, I do understand, Blanche. I understand that you're this way because you've probably never been with a real man.
Sophia: Dorothy, do I wet myself or laugh?

Chuck: All you need is to be loved by someone who knows how. Someone who will take his time and then show you passion beyond your wildest dreams.
Blanche: Dorothy, it's over between us.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Blanche: Dorothy, now don't try to stop me. Don't you see I have to try this?
Dorothy: Oh, all right, Blanche. I- I understand.
Chuck: You're a good sport.
Dorothy: You just take care of her.

Sophia: Sit down, pussycat. I wanna tell you something. You give too much, and when you do that, you're gonna get hurt.
Dorothy: I know. Oh, but I was so disappointed. For 40 years, I've had this fantasy that Mr. Gordon would come swooping into my life like Sir Lancelot. Now I don't even have that.
Sophia: You can keep the fantasy alive. It's part of life. You know what I call my pillow? Sal. Sometimes I hug it.
Sometimes it lays there like a big lump, just like your father. That's how I keep him alive.
Dorothy: That's lovely, Ma.
Sophia: You know what I call my other pillow? Dino. But that's another story. I'll tell you about it when you're, oh, about 70.