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‘The Commitments’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Golden Girls: The Commitments

715. The Commitments

Aired January 25, 1992

Dorothy experiences a second wave of Beatlemania when she gets the chance to see a tribute act. Meanwhile, Blanche fears she's lost her attractiveness when her new boyfriend won't make a move.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Girls, I have a question, a vital question. I want you to think long and hard before answering. Am I ugly?
Sophia: Yes.
Blanche: I mean, I've always thought of myself as ravishing, but is something changing? Is there- Is there, all of a sudden, something disgusting and unattractive about me?
Sophia: Yes.
Blanche: Now, you cut it out, you old worm woman.

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Quote from Sophia

Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry. Is Dorothy Zbornak here?
Blanche: Uh. Uh...
Sophia: I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
Rose: Sophia, you stop that. You are not Dorothy Zbornak. I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
Sophia: All right, all right, but I am a Petrillo, and I've been known to make princes and kings leave their wives and palaces and dance the bossa nova.
Jerry: Excuse me, what does that mean?
Sophia: I think it means today is placebo-pill day. I'm going to bed.

Quote from Blanche

Jerry: This is all very confusing. Now, I'm supposed to meet a Dorothy Zbornak at this address at 7:30 for a dinner date. So which one of you really is Dorothy Zbornak?
Blanche: I am Dorothy's best friend, Blanche. I'm filling in for her because she's dead.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Girls, I have great news. I finally convinced Don to quit Beatlemania. Isn't that wonderful?
Sophia: Dorothy, you're 60 years old and breaking up fake rock-and-roll bands. I want you to think about that.
Dorothy: Ma, will you stop it? Thanks to me, Don can now perform his own songs. Do you know what that makes me?
Sophia: Yoko Zbornak?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Oh, Sophia, do you know where any batteries are?
Sophia: Oh, you make me sick.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Blanche, think about it. Would it really be so bad if you and Jerry just had a platonic relationship?
Blanche: Rose, I already have friends I don't have sex with. You guys.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: I can't believe you. Are you actually standing here, telling your own mother you had sex with a complete stranger?
Dorothy: No, but it was an incredible simulation.

Quote from Blanche

Jerry: No, please let me explain the way I acted last night. My wife died two years ago. I really haven't dated since then. I wanted to get back into the swing of things, so I read up on what modern women want. You know, equality, pay their own way. I guess it's all got me confused.
Blanche: Oh, Jerry. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Come over here. Now, let me clear up any confusion you might have. I don't want to be treated as your equal.
Jerry: You don't?
Blanche: I want to be treated a lot better than you. I mean, really. Like a goddess who likes to go bar hopping.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dorothy, I won't laugh.
Dorothy: Okay, I'll tell you, honey. I have a blind date tonight, and I want you to go out with him. [Rose and Sophia laugh]
Rose: You're right, Dorothy. This is one hearty laugh at your expense.
Dorothy: At least Blanche kept her word. She didn't laugh.
Blanche: And you know why? I was singing a little song in my mind. Camptown Races. I didn't hear a word you said.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I really do wanna help you, if I can.
Rose: Yeah, we're not monsters. We promise not to laugh.
Sophia: [repressing laughter] Right.
Dorothy: Well, all right, I want you to go out with my blind date tonight because I have other plans. Thank you.
Rose, Sophia & Blanche: [singing Camptown Races]

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Look, Blanche, are you gonna do this or not? Because my date is on his way over, and I just won a ticket on the radio to a dinner theater Beatlemania. Shut up, Ma.
Rose: Beatlemania? You're giving up a date for Beatlemania?
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, the Beatles were the first and only rock-and-roll group that I ever really loved. When they came to Shea Stadium, I managed to get a ticket, but one of my kids came down with the flu. It was one of those times when you have to pretend that you love your kids more than something you really wanna do.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Morning, Blanche. How was your date last night?
Blanche: Ha! How was my date last night? I woke up alone. That's how my date was last night. He didn't open my car door. He did not escort me into the restaurant, didn't pull out my chair, and then, when the check came, he made me pay half the bill! What did I ever do to deserve that?
Rose: Sounds to me like you put out before dinner again.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Oh, I don't even know if I can say this. He won't touch me. Five dates and not even a kiss. Just when I finally meet somebody who can make me happy, just when I need it the most Oh, I can't believe I'm about to say this. Blanche Devereaux has lost her sex appeal. [exits]
Sophia: They're always the last to know.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: All right, but, honey, make it fast. Ten words or less.
Rose: All right, but your curiosity is gonna be so piqued, you'll beg for more.
Blanche: Just spit it out, Rose. When was it a man refused to sleep with you?
Rose: The time I was radioactive.
Blanche: How 'bout you, Sophia?
Sophia: Well, there was that time Warren Beatty passed up the chance to sleep with me.
Blanche: So, Rose, you say you were radioactive?

Quote from Blanche

Jerry: Why'd you ask me to pick you up at a motel?
Blanche: They're having a cast party for Beatlemania at our house, and the last time I looked, Ringo was hanging over the toilet singing Help.

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